Let's End The Word

Today, the first Wednesday in March, is the annual campaign to "Spread The Word To End The Word." The campaign is supported by Special Olympics, Best Buddies, and more than 200 other organizations. 

This campaign is to make people aware of the words they use, specifically the word retard(ed) in every day language. In short, the hurtful and derogatory way it is frequently used, and to end its usage in this way.

I'm not going to do a long blog post about the use of this word because I've posted about it the past several years and I don't think there is much more I can say on this subject that I haven't already shared. I have nothing new in terms of my plea asking people to stop using this word to describe every negative scenario that you come across.

Last year I Challenged You to come up with a different word in your every day conversations.
In 2013 I simply asked you to Use Another Word.
I sent An Open Letter in 2012.
In 2011 and 2010 I Spread The Word To End The Word.
I Joined In to spread awareness of this campaign for the first time in 2009.

There are plenty of PSAs available for watching and sharing on the website.

There are logos, graphics, and fact sheets.

I'm just asking, again, will you pledge to not use the #rword in your speech? Will you pledge to be more conscientious and find another word?

Please?

Thank you.

Just Like Other Daughters

A few weeks ago I came across a deal for a book available on Kindle called Just Like Other Daughters.

I was intrigued by the storyline - a single mother living with her adult daughter who has Down syndrome and coming to the realization that her daughter has fallen in love with an intellectually disabled man and insists that she is going to marry him. Whew!

There aren't many fictional books that have a main character and storyline involving someone with Down syndrome. I was curious to how the author would tackle this subject; how she would portray a parent dealing with her adult child wanting to get married, but not wanting to let go because she (the mother) has been the only constant in her daughter's life. I wondered how she would tackle the subject of marriage between adults with disabilities. The mother was very against it and didn't think this couple could manage married life and all the questions that went along with it - namely where would they live? What about birth control?

From what I could tell, the author, Colleen Faulkner, is not a parent of a child with Down syndrome. I don't know if she knows someone with Down syndrome, if she has a friend raising a child with Down syndrome, or what her experiences have been to base her characters and storyline from.

I was disappointed in several parts of the book. She did not use People First Language (PFL). PFL is putting the person before the disability. I.E. Kayla is not a "Down syndrome/Down's child" she is a child who has Down syndrome. While I wouldn't necessarily expect the author to know this, and there are many people who have a child with Down syndrome who refer to their children as "my Down's son", it's a personal preference for me to not refer to Kayla in that way. She is Kayla. The Down syndrome does not have to come before her name. So it was ... irritating ... to read several times "Down syndrome girl, Down syndrome people" throughout the book.

In the first chapter the mother describes her daughter's epicanthal folds as "Mongolian eye folds." Using the term Mongolian for people with Down syndrome is so, so, so out-of-date and more importantly not a factual term.

The daughter is 25 but is continuously portrayed as always child-like. While I realize people with intellectual disabilities can have a vast range of abilities and some people are described as having a cognitive level of a child, I think this stereotype can be dangerous to portray. It lends to society continuing to treat people with intellectual disabilities as less-than, and treated younger than they are. It also presents this image that they never grow up and are one-dimensional: child-like; and have no other qualities or characteristics about them. I was saddened to see this author follow that line of thinking. The daughter could very well need a lot of help with her living skills, but she is still a 25 year old woman ... she could have more interests besides Disney movies all the time. There are parts of the book written as the thoughts in the daughter's head and she uses phrases like "meanie head/dummy head."

She does use the word 'retarded' a couple of times, but it makes the mother uncomfortable when the thought comes to her head and it is used as a medical descriptor, "...my daughter and this mentally retarded man break suction. There's that word again. This time I'm too upset...to be disturbed by my mental word choice again."

Then there was this snippet, "Of course Randall and I had never even contemplated having another child after Chloe. Randall and I were responsible parents. We would have never dared taken our chances in conceiving another child."

Had the author even talked to parents of kids with Down syndrome? I've always wondered what the statistics would show for parents who have another child after their child with Down syndrome. Having a child with Down syndrome is not the worst thing in the world; it does not make you think you can't have another child!

Despite all that I kept reminding myself this was a fictional book. There were some parts I could identify with. Sometimes I feel I am too over-protective of Kayla and do too much for her. I need to push her more, teach her more, let her be more independent.

The last few chapters of the book drew me in more than I expected. I will not spoil the ending, but I will say it became a page turner and the ending was not what I was expecting at all.

Overall it wasn't a bad read, I just had to get over the cringe-worthy parts, the roll-my-eyes at the stereotype parts, and read it for the fictional book it is.

I think she portrayed the mother's struggles with coming to terms that her daughter is actually an adult and has adult feelings fairly well.

 

Kids Book Leads to R-Word Discussion

I knew I would eventually have 'the talk' with my kids about the R-Word. (For those not in the know, "r-word" refers to the word(s) retard(ed)). I just wasn't expecting for it to happen now (with Lucas only being 6); and I didn't expect the conversation to be spurred on by a kid's book.

Ever since I discovered my children enjoy listening to audio books, and since Kayla was going to vision therapy two times a week after school (30 min each way), I have been checking out audio books for us to listen to on those drives. 

A few weeks ago I checked out The Candy Shop War by Brandon Mull. I hadn't heard of the book or author before, but thought the description on the back sounded interesting enough to keep my kids' attention.

The first chapter had me muttering "What the heck kind of book is this? What did I check out?" It did not start off in any way that I was expecting. The first chapter was basically a description of what sounded like a hit man and his tools of the trade.

We continued to listen to the book as the second chapter introduced the kids who are the main characters. Throughout the next several chapters I again found myself wondering what kind of book this was - i.e. 3 of the main characters (5th graders) have a 'club' that the 4th character wants to join. When he asks what they do in this club they basically explain breaking and entering into buildings. When he remarks, "You steal stuff?" the girl explains that of course they don't steal stuff, they just like to explore places they shouldn't be. Or something like that. I don't remember the dialogue exactly, but that was the premise and I remember being disappointed that these were the main characters.

So along with the main characters there is another small group, I think 3 kids, who are the bullies.

We were in the parking lot getting ready to go home, after a great time at the Buddy Walk no less, and I was half-listening to what was going on in the story when all of a sudden I heard this dialogue from one of the bullies to one of the other kids:

"Actually," Denny said innocently, "I came over because I need a favor. See, I'm supposed to do an oral report about retarded kids, so I was wondering if I could follow you around for a few hours. Do a little firsthand research."

This was very obviously meant as a derogatory, mean, spiteful, put-down. This was obviously using the word to make fun of someone. It also wasn't necessary. The author already established that this group of kids were mean and bullied other kids by previous encounters and conversations in the book. As I always do when I come across someone using this word in a book or movie I think, "You're a writer. You have so many other words you could've used in place of this one. Doesn't your vocabulary expand beyond this?"

I reacted right away and immediately ejected the disc from the player. I told the kids I was sorry but we just weren't going to be able to listen to the rest of the story. I was a bit flustered and unprepared and probably overreacted, but I was caught off guard. I wasn't expecting to hear that word used in that way in a children's book.

After a minute we continued to sit in the parking lot and I decided to talk to my kids about what happened and why I was upset about the book. They had no idea what happened. The word and the context went right over their heads. It wasn't a word they had heard before, but it didn't make them stop and ask me about it either.

I didn't know where to start and I'm not sure I did a very good job of explaining to my kids, but I tried. I repeated back what the character said, the context he used it in, and the intent behind using it. Lucas asked me, "What does retarded mean?"

How do I explain that to my innocent kids looking back at me from their seats? How do I explain how degrading and hurtful that word has become to describe people like his sister? How do I explain it to Kayla?

On a very basic level I said that all the word means is to make slow. It was used by doctors to describe people who have an intellectual disability and having an intellectual disability just means that it takes you more time to learn. But over the years people have taken that word and used it as a slur against other people; they have turned it in to a bad, ugly word and now it is used to make fun of people.

I told them I feel strongly about the use of that word and choose not to listen to music, books, movies etc that use that word and I couldn't, in good conscious, continue to let them listen to that book. For one thing I had no idea if it would be used again throughout the book.

I'm not sure how much they understood, and I'm not sure I reacted the right way, but I hope this can be the beginning of open dialogues with my kids and they know that we can discuss serious topics and talk about why we don't use certain words, or behave a certain way.

When we got back home I looked the book up online to see if maybe this was intended for a higher age group (although I still wouldn't have condoned its usage), but it's not. It says ages 8 and up. And it was only published in 2009, so it's not like it is an older book either.

Needless to say I was extremely disappointed in this author's decision to use the word retarded in his children's book - and to use it disparagingly.

 

I Challenge You

If you use the words retard(ed) as slang in every day speech ... I challenge you.
If it slips so easily and naturally from your lips as an exclamation that you don't even realize you're saying it ... I challenge you.
If you don't think there is anything wrong with using that word to describe something that was ridiculous, dumb, stupid, thoughtless, confusing ... I challenge you. 
If you think this is about being politically correct ... I challenge you.
If you think this is about censorship ... I challenge you.
If you think this is about freedom of speech ... I challenge you.
If you didn't mean it in that way ... I challenge you.

I challenge you to expand your vocabulary.
I challenge you to think about how you're using this word.
I challenge you to change your language.
I challenge you to not hide behind the phrase 'freedom of speech' and instead make a choice to not use it.
I challenge you to think about respect.
I challenge you to really think about the message you're trying to convey and is retarded really, truly, the correct word for that meaning?
I challenge you to think outside the box of an easy catch-all phrase for everything that could be wrong.
I challenge you to stop using the words retard(ed).
I challenge you to take the pledge. 

You spilled your drink and exclaimed, "I'm so retarded!"
- Did you really mean, "I'm so clumsy!" or "I'm such a butter fingers today!"

You watch someone on the dance floor and think, "They look so retarded."
- Did you really mean, "They have no rhythm." or "They look like they have 2 left feet."

You watched a movie and didn't end up liking the storyline and said, "Well that was retarded!"
- Did you really mean, "That storyline wasn't that great."

You see someone wearing some fashion that doesn't match your tastes and think, "They look like a retard!"
 - Did you really mean, "I would never wear something like that." or "Those patterns really clash."

You're looking at a map and can't figure it out and think, "Whoever made this map is such a retard!"
- Did you really mean, "This map makes no sense!"

Your teacher assigns homework and you say to your friends, "Can you believe this assignment? It's so retarded!"
- Did you really mean, "Can you believe we have to do something that is so involved and time-consuming?"

Your city passed a new referendum on something and you say, "That's so retarded that we are doing this!"
- Did you really mean, "This doesn't make any sense!"

You forgot you were supposed to do something today and slap your head and say, "I'm a retard for forgetting that!"
- Did you really mean, "I'm so forgetful!" or "I can't believe I forgot that!"

You see a classmate make some faces; you laugh and think, "What a retard!"
- Did you really mean, "What a class clown!" or "He's so goofy!"

You overhear someone say something completely off-the-wall or unbelievable and say, "What are you, a retard or something?"
- Did you really mean "Are you serious?"

You see someone make an obvious lack of judgment decision and say, "They are so retarded!"
- Did you really mean "They are so clueless." or "They just don't have any common sense."

You don't agree with a decision someone is making and say, "Don't be such a retard!"
- Did you really mean, "Don't be so foolish, think about what you're doing."

You get in an argument with someone and say, "You're being so retarded!"
- Did you really mean, "You're being so irrational!"

You mess up a pronunciation of someone's name and say, "I have trouble with people's names, I sound like a retard."
- Did you really mean, "I get tongue-tied trying to pronounce hard last names."

You give someone back the incorrect change and say, "I'm so sorry! I'm such a retard!"
- Did you really mean, "I'm so sorry! I miscalculated your change."

See? The way it is being used does not reflect the real meaning of the word - to be slow, slow down, make slow.

And see how easy it is to replace the words retard(ed) with a more appropriate word describing what you really mean?

So, I challenge you. Are you up for the challenge?

Previous posts on this subject are here and here and here and here and here.

Speaking Up

A couple of weeks ago I was in a situation where someone used the "r-word" in a conversation with me.

I was in a store, checking out, and found myself at the register with a guy who had the word "manager" on his name tag.

I scanned my shopper reward card and as my information came up on his screen he attempted to address me by my name. As he got to my last name he paused and stumbled a bit in trying to pronounce it. I said my last name for him.

That's when he said, "I have trouble pronouncing names, I just end up sounding retarded."

Say what?!

My mind is thinking: You're the manager of the store. You should present yourself as more professional, especially when you're checking out a customer you don't know. You really had to say that? You couldn't stop at just saying 'I have trouble pronouncing names.'

And what does that even mean? You have trouble pronouncing names so you sound retarded.

So you sound like someone who has an intellectual disability and has trouble speaking?

So you sound like someone who has an intellectual disability and low muscle tone which makes enunciating certain sounds difficult for them?

So you sound like someone like....hmmm...my daughter? Someone who does her best to speak her words and tries to get her brain to connect the dots between making her mouth, tongue, and lips all work in sync to come together for perfect speech ... yet it doesn't happen. There are still times we, her family, have trouble understanding her. Hence the whole "Ms Frog had a baby snake" conversation.

Of course this guy knew none of this. Kayla wasn't with me. He didn't know I have a daughter with an intellectual disability.

But the point is, there was no reason for him to make that comparison in the first place. There was no reason for him to compare his trouble pronouncing names with sounding 'retarded.'

Was he expecting me to laugh at his little joke and find that funny?

I didn't immediately say anything (you know, my issue with uncomfortableness in confronting someone about their usage of the r-word). But while he was finishing with my transaction I kept telling myself to "say something! Find your backbone! Speak up! Advocate! An opportunity presented itself for you to find your voice...use it!"

So I did. I wouldn't say I was eloquent. I didn't know what to say and I know I spoke quickly and stumbled over myself. I just said something like, "Next time could you not use the word retarded? I have a daughter who has an intellectual disability and I'd just ask that you think before using that word again."

Of course he was apologetic and appeared embarrassed. I think we both felt a bit awkward. But I did it. I finally spoke up. I finally let someone know how I felt after hearing them use the r-word. I finally found my voice and my backbone.

And maybe, just maybe, (and hopefully), he will think about it the next time he goes to casually throw out that word in a conversation.

 

Use Another Word

Today is the annual Spread the Word to End the Word campaign ... where advocates everywhere are asking people to take the pledge to eliminate the derogatory use of the words retarded/retard from every day speech and promote the inclusion and acceptance of people with intellectual disabilities.

The word is used so carelessly and in just about every example of when it's used; it isn't even the right word for that situation. It doesn't make any sense to use the word as a catch-all for every possible negative scenario.

It makes the person sound uneducated; because really? Something was retarded? You don't think there were a number of other words that fit better in your sentence? Isn't your vocabulary a little more expansive than throwing the word retarded/retard around in your conversations?

I'm re-sharing the post I did last year: An Open Letter. There isn't anything more I could say about the subject.

It's time to find another word to use.

 

An Open Letter

An open letter to those who use the words retard(ed) in casual, every day conversation.

As the parent of a child who has an intellectual disability I have to, I need to, be my child's voice - until she can speak for herself. And even then I will continue to advocate on her behalf.

The problem is I haven't been very good at it. At least not the part where I confront other people about their language. I still struggle with that. I don't like confrontation. I don't like controversies. I don't like drawing attention to myself. I don't like uncomfortable situations. Yet I need to start speaking up, louder, and finding my voice.

What I'm struggling with in finding my voice is bringing to someones attention when they use the r-word: Retarded or Retard in the slang way it's become common and acceptable to do now. 

The encounter usually happens with someone I don't know that well, someone I just met, someone I only see in a social situation once or twice a month. It's usually in a conversation taking place within a group. And then someone casually throws out, "Yeah my husband does x,y,z cause he's retarded like that."

I'm usually shocked by some of the people and places that I hear it being used. I didn't expect to hear it from a professional, from the military spouse of so-and-so, in the workplace between employee and client, from someone who knows Kayla, and on and on. I just didn't expect you to use such an ugly-sounding, derogatory, offensive word  - especially when the English language is so full of many other adjectives and verbs and nouns. Can't you find another, more appropriate, word to use instead?Is it really that hard?

What I want to say is:
"Actually, no, your husband is not retarded for doing x,y,z."
"No, that movie is not retarded because you didn't like it."
"No, those shoes are not retarded because you don't like the style."
"No, you are not retarded because you spilled coffee on yourself."
"No, that rule is not retarded just because it doesn't seem to make any sense to you."
"No, you're not retarded because you over-reacted to something."
"No, he is not retarded just because he did something that was silly, foolish, or childish."
"No, really, you're not retarded because you tripped over the curb."
"No, the server is not retarded because he didn't get your order right."
"No, that equipment is not retarded, it's just malfunctioning/not working right."

I also want to say, "Please change the word. Find a different word to use for that situation you are describing. It really hurts me to hear you use it that way ... I have a daughter with an intellectual disability."

Instead I groan inwardly and think to myself, oh no, you use that word? I feel a wall go up. How do I stop the conversation and change the topic completely? Usually there isn't a chance to pull the person aside and talk privately. So instead of making the whole group feel uncomfortable, I'm just the only one that is uncomfortable. I'm also afraid that if I bring up why that word bothers me then I'll get looks of pity because I have a child with Down syndrome...and I definitely don't want your pity.

Yes, I know, you weren't referring to my child. You didn't mean it in that way. It wasn't actually being used about someone who has been diagnosed with mental retardation*.

But in a roundabout way you did. Because what did that word originally mean?

Dictionary.com defines the word retard(ed) as:
1. To make slow; delay the development of or progress of (an action, process etc); hinder, impede.
2. To be delayed.
The origin of the word is Latin and means, again, to delay, protract, to loiter, be slow.

That's it. To be delayed. Which became a medical diagnosis for people who were delayed, or slow in their development.

But then it shows this:
Slang, disparaging
a. A mentally retarded person
b. A person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way.

Slang dictionary for retard:
A rude nickname for a retarded person (derogatory and unkind.)

Urban Dictionary's thesaurus for retarded shows these words: stupid, dumb, gay, annoying, crazy, ugly, drunk, ignorant, loser.

How far the word has changed from the original meaning. It has become so derogatory that Rosa's Law was passed. *This law changes the use of the terms 'mental retardation/mentally retarded' from federal health, education and policy, to 'intellectual disability and individual with an intellectual disability.'

Please stop and think about how the word retard(ed) sounds when it's used in every day conversation. Use another word. Take your pick: ridiculous, silly, doesn't make sense, klutz, accident, made a mistake. Use crazy, ugly, drunk, ignorant, loser if it fits - but don't use retarded in their place, because it shouldn't be a catch-all word for all those negative words.

Because my daughter, my beautiful, full-of-life, strong-willed, determined, amazing, capable, beautiful daughter ... is slow. She is delayed in her learning. She is delayed in her cognitive thinking skills. If she were born years ago she would have been slapped with the label of being mentally retarded.

Take the pledge to eliminate the derogatory use of the 'r-word' in every day speech and promote inclusion and acceptance of people with intellectual disabilities.

It's not about being politically correct, or free speech, it's about doing the right thing. It's about respect. It's about using the appropriate word in the situation.

And it's about my daughter. And all the other people who have intellectual disabilities.

Not Acceptable

The folks at Spread The Word To End The Word have put together a pretty powerful PSA on the r-word. It airs tonight on Glee, in case you miss(ed) it, here it is:

"The r-word is the same as every minority slur. Treat it that way and don't use it."

Spread The Word To End The Word

In 2009 I wrote a post about the results of Kayla's IQ test and how I felt about the r-word. I was joining the Special Olympics campaign to 'Spread the Word to End the Word.' 

I've also posted some videos: NJ Self-Advocates On The R-Word; a 60-second clip on the r-word in the media and Rob Johnson from CBS talking about it. My favorite quote from Rob Johnson, "You think you're being clever and hip when you use the R-word, but you're not, you're just being ignorant."

Then there were the Washington Post articles.

Finally there was a certain big-name celebrity's use of the word on a popular morning talk show.

My post today is short and simple and to the point.

If you use the word r*tard(ed) in an every day slang kind of way and say it isn't meant to hurt or offend, that you didn't mean it that way, that it wasn't being directed at those with intellectual disabilities, then let me ask you this: Was it meant to be a compliment?

That's what I thought.

Words matter. Think before you speak. Take the pledge: I pledge and support the elimination of the derogatory use of the r-word from everyday speech and promote the acceptance and inclusion of people with intellectual disabilities

NJ Self-Advocates On the R-Word

To kick off Down Syndrome Awareness Month I wanted to share this video made by a group of self-advocates from New Jersey. Who better to spread the message that, "it's not about being politically correct, it's about respect." than those who are most affected by the inappropriate use of the word(s) r*tard(ed).

Let the self-advocates speak for themselves; try telling them words don't matter or don't hurt.




Grab This Button

I Play Dress Up For A Living, Like A R*tard

Yes I'm going there.

I'm sure most of you have heard about Jennifer Aniston's use of the R-word while live on Live With Regis and Kelly.

It seems we go round and round when this issue comes up. A well-known person will use some form of the R-word and 2 camps immediately crop up - or maybe 3 (the third being the camp that could care less about all the hub-bub).

The 2 main camps are those that are offended by the everyday, casual, non-appropriate use of the word; and those that think people from said camp are overly sensitive.

Over and over I read comments on blogs or newspaper articles that we are too PC, too sensitive, taking it too seriously, it wasn't meant that way, of course she wasn't actually making fun of those with intellectual disabilities, of course it wasn't aimed at any one but herself, she was only making fun of herself. And on and on and on the excuses fall around me.

I beg to differ.

To those in the other camp I ask, "Did you really hear the context in which this was said?" She was talking about dressing up for a photo shoot and Regis said "You're playing dress-up" to which she interjected that now-infamous sentence, "I play dress up, I do it for a living... like a r*tard."

You tell me exactly how else am I supposed to interpret that. Because does a 'r*tard' play dress-up? And for a living? Really? What is a 'r*tard' in this instance? Would it have been more accurate to say maybe ... oh I don't know ... "I play dress up ... like a little kid." Because aren't little kids the ones who actually play dress-up? Ok not for a living, but it still would have been a better comparison.

How is it that someone who "plays dress-up for a living" is a r*tard? Hmm... don't actresses and actors 'play dress-up' for their roles and make a living doing so? Don't models play dress-up for a living? I fail to see how it was funny to say a 'r*tard' plays dress-up for a living. I fail to see how this wasn't aimed at anyone but herself.

I fail to see how I'm being too sensitive or too PC in this situation. I fail to see how this was supposed to be funny, I fail to see the point of what she said.

You tell me - what was the image that popped up in your head when she said "like a r*tard." Really. What did it make you think of? Because when you hear 'r*tard' what do you really think of? You can't tell me that 'r*tard' doesn't conjure up an image of someone with an intellectual disability. Someone who is a little different than you. Someone who struggles with things that may come easy to you. Someone who might learn a little, or a lot, slower than you. And this was funny how? Why did the hosts laugh, why did those in the audience laugh?

What she said was uncalled for, totally inappropriate, and made no sense. If she was comparing playing dress up for a living to a 'r*tard' then you tell me what she was really comparing herself to.

It wasn't funny. Words hurt. I don't care if I sound like a broken record. I have a child with an intellectual disability. Come walk in my shoes, or better yet my daughter's shoes, and then tell me/us we're being too sensitive, or too PC.

Washington Post Articles About the R-Word

In yesterday's Washington Post I read this article - Saying it is Hurtful, Banning it is Worse by Christopher Fairman.

The article was mostly about the Special Olympics campaign to "Spread The Word To End The Word." The pledge is "I pledge and support the elimination of the derogatory use of the r-word from everyday speech and promote the acceptance and inclusion of people with intellectual disabilities."

Mr Fairman says he sympathizes "...with the effort, but I won't be making that pledge. It's not that I've come to praise the word "retard"; I just don't think we should bury it."

His argument is that words aren't the culprit, the meaning attached to them is, and words such as 'r*tard,' 'queer', 'gay' and the 'n-word' have multiple meanings.

This is true. You can use r*tard when referring to music.

However, the Special Olympics campaign specifically states eliminating the derogatory use of the word. And we all know those common phrases "S/he is so r*tarded" "I'm so r*tarded" "that's so r*tarded" "S/he's such a r*tard" are all used in derogatory ways - not in any appropriate context. They are used in ways that are meant to demean, or be a put down, or refer to something as stupid, dumb, ridiculous etc.

The Special Olympics is asking for people to not use the r-word in that way. It's not such a hard concept to grasp; just choose another word to use in place of it.

This guy just doesn't get it. Neither do a lot of other people. There is a 'poll' on the side of the article asking how people feel about the Special Olympics campaign, and right now 54% of people oppose it. How sad that so many people just don't get it.

A rebuttal to his article is Defending the Word R*tard is Not Heroic by Michael Gerson. He gets what the campaign is all about.

"But defending the r-word is not the protection of free expression; it is the defense of bullies." "...what Fairman calls “self-censorship” is really kindness and moral judgment. And what he regards as free expression is just rude, abusive and cruel." and my favorite quote, "...what the Special Olympics is proposing – encouraging people to take a personal pledge against the derogatory use of the r-word – is not government censorship, it is social stigma. In this case, such stigma is a sign of moral maturity."

Moral maturity. Sums it all up.

There is another article in response to the first article...The Bigotry Behind the Word R*tard by Timothy Shriver.

"But for our part, we are trying to awaken the world to the need for a new civil rights movement -- of the heart. We seek to educate people that a crushing prejudice against people with intellectual disabilities is rampant -- a prejudice that assumes that people with significant learning challenges are stupid or hapless or somehow just not worth much. They're, um, "retarded." And that attitude is not funny or nuanced or satirical. It's horrific."

Have you taken the pledge yet?

Here is an open letter to Sarah Palin from the Oz Squad.

Spread The Word To End The Word

The Special Olympics and Best Buddies International are gearing up for the annual Spread The Word To End The Word Campaign.

This 60-sec video clip shows just how prevalent the R-word is in mainstream media...take a look at this collection of TV shows and movie clips:


and then there is this clip from Rob Johnson of CBS News. I loved what he said and how he said it. My favorite quote from this clip, "You think you're being clever and hip when you use the R-word, but you're not, you're just being ignorant."



Please add your own pledge to eliminate the use of the R-word in every day speech.

I'm Joining In To...

Today I get to sit in on an IEP meeting and listen to the school psychologist tell me the results of all the testing indicate my daughter's IQ score falls in the range for mild mental retardation.

It isn't something new. While she's never had an IQ test done before, and no one has "officially" diagnosed Kayla with MR, it is pretty much par for the course with a Down syndrome diagnosis. I expected those results - I knew her IQ wasn't going to be in the 'average' (100) range.

Knowing that, and accepting that, doesn't mean it makes it easier to hear. It's still hard knowing your child is being labeled that way, but we deal with it and move on and realize a number doesn't give a true reflection of what she knows, who she is, what she's capable of, and what her personality is. It doesn't mean (as my husband pointed out to me) that she's not going to stop learning. It's still hard though.

But what is harder to hear is the negative connotation that is now associated with MR. The way the word has been taken so far out of context. The way the word is used casually as a put-down. The way the word is used about people and things when meaning "stupid" or "ugly." It's hard to hear "That was so retarded" and "He's so retarded" "I just did x,y,z, gosh I'm so retarded." It's so easy to replace the word "retarded" in those instances with another "r" word that is so much more appropriate - "ridiculous" - it's easy enough to say "That was ridiculous!" One small change in a word used can make a huge difference.

Because words? They do hurt. They do matter.

That's why I'm joining in...


What It's All About
Spread the Word to End the Word is raising the consciousness of society about the dehumanizing and hurtful effects of the R-word and encourage people to pledge to stop using it. America is being asked to declare their support for more respectful and inclusive language, specifically that referring to those with intellectual disabilities.

Here are just a few of the events that are being planned all over:
- American University, Beirut, Lebanon: Soeren Palumbo's R-word speech played hourly; movie "The Loretta Claiborne Story"; posters, pictures, online R-word signups.
- All high schools in Delaware: All 40,000 students will be asked to sign pledge boards in their schools.
- Tower Hill School, Newark, NJ: Spread the Word day as culmination of a week of exploring disabilities
- Fort Worth Independent School District: Lunch-time rallies, video shows, student testimonials and R-word pledge boards
- University of Kansas: Sign pledge boards
- Western Michigan University: See posters, sign pledge boards, talk with committed volunteers and Special Olympics athletes.
- University of Nebraska: Sign the pledge board, talk about why you support the campaign, get stickers, buttons and bracelets
- Princeton University: Sign the R-word pledge, see big-screen displays of Special Olympics and R-word videos.
- Slippery Rock University: Sign pledge boards, get buttons, bracelets and stickers for free, buy T-shirts

Won't you take a moment to sign the pledge too?