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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Oh The Tears

Just when I think I can't cry anymore there is a fresh set of water works streaming down my face! Man am I emotional! I didn't think it would be this hard.

I am so emotionally drained.

With everything going on this time of year this was a very hard time to move. I thought I could continue to do what I do every year for Christmas - order Christmas cards, mail them, buy gifts, wrap and package those up to be mailed out to family - and everything has taken a toll. I should have pared that down, but just didn't.

Joe hasn't been able to take any leave whatsoever (except starting this morning) to help get the house organized. He's had appointments and outprocessing and everything felt like it happened at once. I just couldn't get everything done with taking care of Lucas during the day too. It's hard when you have to separate your house into things that are being stored, shipped, going with us, donated, and trashed.

Today was supposed to be my last meeting at MOPS; and I was really looking forward to it - a break from all the stress and being able to say goodbye. Unfortunately I missed it.

We weren't very prepared for the movers this morning; or at least not as prepared as we could have/should have been. When they showed up it was a whirlwind of "ok is everything in this room ready to go? What about in here? What about this stuff? Can we pack this?" and even though I thought I had it all planned out it just didn't work that way. I didn't feel like I should leave Joe to direct 3 movers while I went to MOPS. So I stayed home to help keep things organized. Because to be honest, since I'm the one who stays home I just "know" more of where things are and what we need to keep and what to store...if that makes sense...and that's nothing against Joe at all...SAHMs are usually the ones who maintain the household. So I missed MOPS and didn't get a chance to say bye and had a good cry this morning.

It seems every day Kayla is going to be bringing something home in her backpack that just reduces me to a puddle of tears. Today was a "Good Bye Book" from her class. Each student and teacher drew a picture. The students dictated to the teacher what they wanted to say to Kayla then they signed their name. I could hardly get through reading it out loud to Joe for all the tears running down my face. My heart is so heavy.

I feel like throwing in the towel...it seems so much easier to have just stayed here, but I didn't think I could handle being a single mom for a year. I know the end result will be that everything will work out and it will be for the best, but in the midst of all these boxes it's hard to see that right now.

The movers should be done tomorrow, then we have to organize the stuff that is being shipped to MD and make sure all the stuff we're taking with us can fit in the van.

I shouldn't even be on the computer right now, but I just needed a break from it all. I needed to vent and get it all out.

This is our last night in the house, tomorrow we'll be in temporary quarters. I hope I can sleep well tonight and that tomorrow isn't as stressful!

post signature

72 comments:

Noele Marie said...

Hi! I hope that you are able to get some rest. We've just recently did a move (but only in the same town) and that was stressful with two little ones. I can't imagine how stressful yours is. Stay strong!!

hjoy said...

Keeping you in our prayers, moving is so stressful. Hugs

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Ohhhh I would be so devastated to leave, too!!! I can't even imagine. I pray hard all the time that we won't get PCS'd! Hang in there!

Lisa said...

Oh, gosh, Michelle. ((((hugs hugs hugs))))

Erin said...

Oh Michelle, I am saying a prayer for you that you can get a good nights sleep tonight and not get too overwhelmed. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I agree that this is the best decision for you to have help with the kiddos. (hugs)

..::Mrs. Staff Sergeant::.. said...

Hi, I just stumbled upon your blog by chance and thought I'd say hello. I'm a military spouse as well and have experienced my share of tearful moves :(

We just did a small PCS about a month ago. (just a week after our premature daughter came home from the hospital and it was chaos for a bit!) I can so relate to feeling like you have to be there to oversee everything even with your husband around, lol. I'll say a prayer for you that all goes smoothly from here on out for you. I know it can be stressful!

You have a beautiful family! Enjoy your holiday- even if it looks to be an unusual one in TLF this year ;)

~ Keri

chelle said...

I know it is way hard. Hang in there!!!! Hugs!

Lori said...

I will be praying for you!

Mom24 said...

It's definitely going to be rocky for a while...that doesn't mean you didn't do the right thing. Hang in there. Be patient with yourself. We're always here. {{{Hugs}}}

Michelle said...

I'm crying with you!! You have so much going on and the emotions of moving. I remember so well all the moves we made. My dad was in the army for 25 years and we moved a lot. I still have memories of our neighbors dropping us off at a train station in Germany to head to the airport. My dad was already in the states. My mom and 3 children, a dog and a cat and a ton of luggage. Moms are so resilent!
Where are you moving to in MD? I think I missed that post. We are in the DC Metro/VA area. Would love to meet up:)
Sending you a big hug.

LauraJ said...

Big big big hugs!! It's all going to work out...one day at a time!

Nancy said...

Hang in there, Michelle. I am thinking about you and hope you find comfort in unexpected, wonderful ways during your transition to a new home. HUGS

Kim said...

Oh...I'm so sorry it has been so tough. I hope the rest of your move goes smoothly. We'll be praying for you!

starrlife said...

Virtual hugs- very frustrating but I wish I could help!

Julie said...

Michele,

I will keep you in my prayers. I was just wondering what part of MD you will be in. We live in central Pa. My email is jshoofly@atlanticbb.net.

Julie

Bonita said...

Hugs and prayers to you, Michelle. It seems as though you're getting to experience what Mary experienced that first Christmas in some ways. Keep telling yourself, "This too shall pass." It will and during this next year when you're with your family and Joe's away, you'll be so glad you made this move.

Jess said...

Praying for you guys... all those lives that she has touched and you have touched! You will forever be with them. I hope that you get everything done and that your temp quarters aren't so bad.

Izzy 'N Emmy said...

Thinking of you as always and the kids and Joe. Stay strong but let the tears fall. It's okay.

Lots and lots of HUGS!!!!!!

Ruby's Mom said...

Oh, I wish I were closer to you I would have sent you my teen daughter to help with the kids while you packed and sorted.She loves little ones.Sending hugs and prayers your way.

ChupieandJ'smama said...

Oh Michelle, I'm sending bigs hugs to you! I'm sorry that things are so hard and stressful right now. It will get better. I wish I was there to help you. I'm sending prayers up that everything will work out.

Laura said...

Oh' I can't imagine all you are doing/going through. My prayers are with you and I hope the days to come go much smoother! ((HUGS))

much more than a mom said...

Aw, Michelle. I'm so sorry you're so stressed out. I hope you get nicely settled before Christmas - will be you be at your Mom's then?

mommaof4wife2r said...

u poor dear. i am sooo praying for all of you. it must be so stressful with all you have on your platter. i am reading "having a mary heart in a martha world" right now and i thought of the chapter i was reading last night about how we get so anxious...and let me say, you have the right to be with all that you have going on...so don't misunderstand that. i do want to share some of paul's words tho in a hope to encourage you as he was facing a very incertain future as well..."Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers{or sister michelle}, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." phil 4-9

Tina said...

I'm sending you some hugs! I remember moving with the military and it wasn't fun at all - I didn't have kids then either!

I'll keep you guys in my prayers and I hope everything goes smoothly!

jess @ raising joey said...

Moving is so stressful! I remember moving from Ohio to Connecticut, I was so extremely stressed out! take a deep breath, before you know it, you'll be in MD, unpacked and enjoying your new home!

Tara said...

Michelle,
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you. Know we are all out here thinking and praying for you.
Tara

Beth said...

thoughts and prayers that things go as smoothly as possible!!!!

Amy said...

Hang in there. Moves are always hard - especially across country - but it will all work out in the end :-)

(**hugs**)

Shelley said...

oh michelle, I have tears in my eyes as I'm reading this post. I have been exactly where you are right now. It is so hard to move when you are leaving so much you love behind. When we left our duty station in Georgia, my heart was broken and I was so terribly upset. Just know that you are not alone and that it is perfectly ok to be sad and emotional. Take time and say your goodbyes. It will cause a lot of tears, but you will be thankful that you did it once you're gone. Before we left GA, we took the kids to some of our favorite spots on post and in town and took photos. My husband thought I was nuts, but now, I look at those photos and I'm so thankful we have them. The day we left, I made my husband drive through post one last time and I cried like a baby. Sometimes it helps to just allow yourself to have one good cry. So goes the life of a military wife.
Thinking of you this week as you make the transition.

Robin said...

Michelle, may I pray for you?

Dear Jesus,
I want to bring my friend Michelle before you and ask that you just fill her with your presence. Help her Father make it through these hard days. Give her wisdom, strength, and a clearness of mind that astounds her. Help Lucas and Kayla during this time - give them peace in the storm of their days.
Bless this family Jesus. We are so thankful to them for all they do for your country. May your loving arms just surround them and may they feel your presence just like a warm blanket.
Amen.

Karly said...

{hugs} You and your family are in my thoughts. I hope the move goes smoothly and the adjustment period is short.

Mike said...

Everything will be OK.

Have a very merry Christmas.

And please share your Santa wish at Something About Parenting



Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com

Kari said...

Awww Michelle. Sending hugs and positive thoughts for an easy transition for everyone!! I am a single Mommy and it isn't easy. Hopefully once everything is done and your settled in everything will be really good!! Goodbyes and change are so hard! I moved from one end of the Country to the other when T was a baby and it was tough. I will be doing it again soon and am dreading the goodbyes too! But a girl has to work and I don't have time to learn to speak French and since I work in healthcare I must go back to the part of the Country that speaks English! ((HUGS)

Stephanie said...

Oh Michelle!! Just think about it.. in a couple weeks, it will all be over and you'll be feeling better in your new place with help, your parents.. it's just tough now.. but hey, there's your blog and email and phone calls, you can stil keep in contact.

Stay strong, it'll be okay!

Me said...

I hope it all settles down soon! Moving is such a stressful thing but I find the goodbyes to be worse! Take Care!!

Trace

Barb said...

I'm not moving and I still couldn't get your list done, Michelle. Be kind to yourself. What you're doing right now is very hard, physically and especially emotionally.

It's almost over. Before you know it, you'll have done everything you needed to do to make this cross country move happen and you'll, hopefully, be able to rest up and recover.

You have a lot on your plate right now. I can't think of anyone who would be rested, calm and serene through something like a move that's happening because her husband is deploying overseas for a year.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Nancy M. said...

Oh, Michelle, I am so sorry you had to move at this time of the year. I can't even get Christmas stuff done, so I know I couldn't manage packing and stuff. I hope everything else goes well for you! ((HUGS))

Denise said...

Hello! I happened upon your blog today. My DH is retired from the AF. My heart breaks for all the emotions you are/were feeling! Moving is tough and at Christmas time, whew! But, I will say from a welcome from the state of MD - we are glad you're coming and we hope you like it!

Michelle said...

(((HUGS))) Michelle!!!!!

Sue said...

Oh man Michelle. I really feel for you. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that you get through this with as little "pain" as possible. It sounds like Kayla was so loved at her school and that is so wonderful. I can see why you'd cry - reading about it made me cry. LOL

Good luck to you. I hope Kayla is handling it all OK.

Melissa said...

I just read your blog for the 1st time in a while. You are moving...you poor girl! Good luck!!

Nancy said...

HUGS Michelle. I hope it gets easier for you somehow. That has to be incredibly stressful.

Amanda said...

Oh My! Vent all you want. This is hard and will only get harder. You are doing what is best for your family. Just get through it! You are in my prayers! I have been where you are and there is another side. Take Care and Be Careful
Amanda

A Life Full of Love said...

Michelle, I am praying, praying and praying for you guys, especially you right now. You can do this! It will get better. Keep crying, you need to get all your emotions out and then you will start feeling stronger. Get extra, extra kisses and hugs from your kiddos. Make yourself have some alone time even if it is go sit in a room for 5 minutes on the floor with your eyes closed. You might have to wait for the kids to sleep, but find that time for yourself and listen to music or just breathe really slow. Whatever relaxes you. Think of all the new things you can discover in your new location! Things are going to be good!! I can feel it.

Julie D said...

Michelle,
I'm sorry I didn't get to meet up with you before you left New Mexico. :( I know moving is a stressful time. Praying for a smooth move.

I wanted to let you know that every time I read your posts (and see those Big Blueberry Eyes) I smile. So I give you a Smile Award. Details are here:
http://mom2ways.blogspot.com/2008/12/my-first-blog-award.html

Chris said...

What can I say except you are right, once you get through this part, it will be better. Moving in the best of circumstances is never easy. Go ahead and have a good cry--get those emotions out--and then get back to work :)

Sending you BIG (((HUGS)))!

McKenna said...

Moving is so hard and sad! I'm praying for you! Your family sacrifices so much for our country...thank you!!

Corey~living and loving said...

Oh Michelle, I'm thinking of you. I can not even imagine what an emotional rollarcoaster you are on.
HUGS!

Amy said...

Cry all you want sweetie. Sometimes it makes us feel better. But know this....we are ALL praying for you and your family during this time. And I know how thankful my husband and I are for the sacrifices the military families make serving our great country. You guys are not forgotten!

Big hugs and an even bigger shoulder to cry on anytime, day or night.

Love, Amy

Tracey said...

Oh, sweetie... Hang in there. It's natural to be having mixed feelings. A lot of changes are going on for you.

Sandra said...

Maybe I'm emotional right now too because your post brought tears to my eyes, you described exactly my feelings when we left Idaho last year after almost 10 years on that base.

It's so hard to get everything done but you know what, it DOES get done and you will be ok. Just ride the rollercoaster of emotions right now and allow yourself to smile and laugh and cry when you need to, before you know it, you'll be in your new home unpacking :)

Huge hugs to you all,
Sandra

Tanya said...

Moving is so stressful - I can't imagine doing it right before the holidays!! I hope everything goes smoothly from here on out :) I can't wait to hear the next update!

joan said...

I can't even imagine doing all of this but I will keep you in my prayers. Hey, we all need to vent now and then, that's why bloggy friends are here. Take care.

Omaha Mama said...

The finish this marathon, at least you know this much to be true. Hugs.

Beth said...

Wishing you all the best on your move. Don't forget to rest now and then when you can. Moving is not a fun time and I can only imagine the "extra" stuff you are having to deal with right now too.
{{{Big Hug}}}

Tricia said...

Big big hugs, Michelle. This is one of the most stressful things ever. EVER. For real. You will be stronger once this is all squared away. And we can't wait to see you here in Maryland when it is. HUGS!

Becca said...

It's so hard to move. I don't envy you that at all. Good luck, and have a safe journey--e-mail me when you're settled in in Maryland!

Michelle said...

Oh I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I hope that the rest of the move goes smoothly for you and that you're able to get settled very soon. Good luck!

Bailey's Leaf said...

Hold in there. Soon and very soon you will have your feet a bit more firmly planted. The scenery will be different, but it will be home. In the meantime, go ahead and grieve the place that you are leaving.

Love to you and the family!

Julie said...

Bless your heart! I know exactly what you mean; I have been there before. I can't believe it's time for you guys to pack up already. I'll be praying for you all and thinking of you. Merry Christmas!

Kerry said...

Thinking of you over here... have a good cry! You need it :) THink that once you move you'll be closer to the REAL sports teams - Sox, Pats and Celtics :):):)

Overwhelmed! said...

Hang in there, girl. I'm praying for you.

I got your beautiful Christmas card, thank you for thinking of our family in the midst of all your craziness!

I'm going to email you now.

Stacy's Random Thoughts said...

Wow. I stumbled across your blog today...moving is stressful enough as it is, but when you add all the 'extras' to it, I can't even imagine! (((HUGZ))) to you and yours...I'll be checking back to see how you emerge - stronger, happier, wiser! ;) Have a Merry Christmas!

rebecca said...

Safe travels Helferich family!

Jann said...

Sending you hugs and prayers in this stressful time!

Terri said...

Oh, honey!
So much on your shoulders right now. I'll keep you all in my prayers. Please be gentle with yourself.
God bless!

Anonymous said...

vent all you want. I know how crazy things get when your moving. Jusat try to find some time to yourself.
love ya,
mimi

smileymamaT said...

I know you probably won't even have a change to read this, but if you do, just hang in there as we are all here with you in spirit! And this will all be done with before you know it... so very hard, I know, and with such a heavy heart... wish I could give you a hug right now. It'll be OK! ((hugs))

All 4 My Gals said...

Aw honey, prayers for you to get thru this tough time. Much love from Kentucky!

Karen said...

Michelle, we'll be praying for your entire family. This is the worst possible timing, but God has a plan. *hugs*

The Khaje Khronicles said...

I'm praying for you! I know it's difficult to pick up and move especially during the Christmas season.

I gave you an award/meme combo on my blog, go by and take a look :)

Hugs,
Eden

PEA said...

Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and hoping that the move is going well. Sending you big hugs.

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through! Merry Christmas to you and yours, dear Michelle. xoxo