She Said What?

Last night I took the kids to watch Joe play softball. This was the first time we've gone since every time he's played it has been entirely too windy to have the kids out - especially a baby.

I was standing on the side of the bleachers about 5 rows up. There were 5 other adults on the lower seats of the bleachers and a few kids running around.

One of the girls (I'm not good at guessing ages, but I'd say she was maybe between 8-10 yrs old) came up to her mom with a chunk of red clay/dirt. She was breaking it apart and the following is the conversation I heard:

Girl: "Look Mom, for some reason this reminds me of chocolate, like Hershey's or something" (I have no idea how or why breaking the chunk of clay reminded her of chocolate, but that's neither here nor there).

Mom: "Why? Because you're ret*rded?"

Girl: "yeah"

Mom: "ok then."

I don't understand why the mom felt it was necessary to "joke" with her daughter that way; why she even thought it was funny. Why some parents think it is ok to use that word in such a derogatory way - especially saying it to a child who will then learn it is ok to say.

I don't have a problem with the word itself when it is used in the correct medical context - and really, all it means is "to move or proceed slowly, delay."

Unfortunately that word has become a negative connotation for all things considered "bad, ugly, dumb, embarrassing" etc - I know you've heard the common phrases "You're a ret*rd, you're ret*rded, that's so ret*rded" and on and on and on. It's become slang and that slang word is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

It upsets me when I hear it used like that mom did, but what also upsets me is my inability to say anything. Yeah I just stood there and didn't say a word.

Half of me was saying "advocate! educate!" but the other half said this wasn't the time or place. I didn't know any of the people who were there, I was behind them, I don't like confrontation, I didn't want to make everyone else feel uncomfortable by saying anything, so instead I'm the one who is uncomfortable.

I wouldn't know how to say anything in that situation anyway; she wasn't talking to me, I wasn't in their little circle, but I wish I could have said something.

You know the old adage "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?" Not true; words do hurt. If you use that word in slang, and even if you don't mean for it to be hurtful, or malicious, could you please stop and think next time you go to use it that it is offensive to be used that way.

Maybe one of these days I'll learn how to speak louder and speak up. I'm still working on that part of my personality.

There is someone who explains it much better than I ever could. Last year then-high school senior Soeren Palumbo gave a speech at his high school that received a standing ovation. This speech quickly spread through the internet. Even though it's been around for a year, and a lot of you have already seen/read it, I don't think his message ever gets old.

Here are 2 paragraphs from his speech, "So why am I doing this? Why do I risk being misunderstood and resented by this school's student body and staff? Because I know how much you can learn from people, all people, even – no, not even, especially – the mentally handicapped. I know this because every morning I wake up and I come downstairs and I sit across from my sister, quietly eating her cheerio's. And as I sit down she sets her spoon down on the table and she looks at me, her strawberry blonde hair hanging over her freckled face almost completely hides the question mark shaped scar above her ear from her brain surgery two Christmases ago.

By no fault of her own, she will spend her entire life being stared at and judged. Despite the fact that she will never hate, never judge, never make fun of, never hurt, she will never be accepted. That's why I'm doing this. I'm doing this because I don't think you understand how much you hurt others when you hate. And maybe you don't realize that you hate. But that's what is; your pre-emptive dismissal of them, your dehumanization of them, your mockery of them, it's nothing but another form of hate. It's more hateful than racism, more hateful than sexism, more hateful than anything. I'm doing this so that each and every one of you, student or teacher, thinks before the next time you use the word "ret*rd", before the next time you shrug off someone else's use of the word "ret*rd". Think of the people you hurt, both the mentally handicapped and those who love them. If you have to, think of my sister. Think about how she can find more happiness in the blowing of a bubble and watching it float away than most of will in our entire lives. Think about how she will always love everyone unconditionally. Think about how she will never hate. Then think about which one of you is "ret*rded".

To read his whole amazing speech go here, or you can watch it here.