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Monday, October 29, 2007

A Different Kind of Awareness

I've mentioned before that October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month. It's also Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but did you know that it is also Domestic Violence Prevention Month too?

I remember years and years ago reading news or magazine articles or watching TV movies with domestic violence as the subject. I would wonder why women stayed, how they could still love the guy hurting them like that, why they didn't just leave and how sad that it happened at all. I also felt like I would know better to ever be in a situation like that and even went so far as to say "the first time a guy puts his hands on me like that I'm out of there!"

That was before it happened to me. That was before I walked in those shoes. Yes, I experienced this in my first marriage.

You always think you know how you'll react in a situation, but really, until you're actually in the situation, you just don't know. You don't know what you'll really do or how you'll feel.

I know that every person's story is different, the family dynamics are different, reasons for staying are different...but now, having experienced it, I know why someone stays and why it's not so easy to "just leave."

So I wanted to share my story. Not that my story is the same as anyone else's, but to raise awareness, to give a glimpse of what it was like, what I went through, what I thought and felt. Why I didn't leave the first time it happened. My situation was not as bad as what makes the news; I was never hospitalized, never had broken bones, nor had my life threatened. But domestic violence has all different forms, and this is how it happened to me.

I prefer not to use my ex's name, so I'll just refer to him as X.

Most of the cases I heard about domestic violence seem to have a common theme of the guy getting drunk every night then coming home and finding something to take out on the girlfriend/wife...like dinner wasn't on the table when he got home, or it was cold, or it wasn't what he wanted to eat, kids were fighting/crying, house was a mess etc. I now realize this is not how it happens all the time. X didn't come home drunk, he wasn't even a drinker, maybe that was why at first I couldn't believe it was happening. It didn't fit the image I had in my head of what an abuser was like and the conditions to "cause" it.

We were engaged and living together when it first happened. He would talk to me in condescending tones, put me down, make me feel like a little kid, that I couldn't do anything right. It was awful having arguments with him. Then one night during an argument he pushed me up against a wall and I just didn't know what to think. I guess I hoped that was an isolated incident.

It didn't get better though. He became so controlling. I felt like I had to answer to him for everything, get his permission for anything, always explain myself. Little by little he tried to control who I talked to, where I went, what I did. So many times I felt like this was a parent/child relationship and not a marriage.

One night we had another "stupid" argument (something that got out of hand and you can't even remember what you were fighting about in the first place). I ended up in the spare bedroom crying. He came in and told me to be quiet, that he didn't want to hear it anymore. I told him if I felt like crying I would. He broke 2 objects in the room that were mine, so I swiped some papers or whatever off the desk (I know that was probably childish, but I just reacted). He broke something else and I pushed more papers off the desk. In a split second, before I knew what even happened, he had slapped me across the face. I was absolutely stunned. I wrote this in my journal, "This is the kind of warning sign all the magazines tell you about. This is the 'red flag' telling me to get out. Even though he wasn't punching on me, who knows that won't happen in the future?"

So why didn't I get out? Because we were getting married in a month! So many plans had been made, out-of-town guests had already booked flights and hotel rooms. Yes I know how this sounds - those aren't reasons to continue on with a wedding if you're worried about how the marriage will turn out!

There were good times though, it wasn't always bad, so you focus on the good, believe the bad won't happen again, believe things will be fine, get married because you think you're in love.

I was also embarrassed. How could I tell people he slapped me on the face? How could I admit I made a mistake in judgement and I shouldn't get married after all? I was 23 and hopeful, hopeful the marriage would work and he would change. I didn't want anyone to know what happened so I hoped it was the last time. Again from my journal, "I'm so scared to end up abused, but I don't know what to do. I can't really tell anyone either, because I'm so ashamed." Yes I had people I could have told, definitely my parents, best friends, but it's just too hard to admit what is happening.

He was mad at me once for clearing the phone numbers on the caller ID from our bedroom phone (but they were still on the living room phone) and while he was getting ready for work and we were arguing about that he threw his boot at me. Military combat boots are heavy. That was the first time I had a bruise because of him.

Another example of how he tried to control me: It was Halloween and he was working late shift so he wasn't home. We lived in a town house so there were stairs on the outside to walk up to our unit. He actually told me he did not want me all the way at the end of the stairs handing out candy. What?! Did he expect the kids dressed in their costumes to have to walk up the stairs to me? Did he expect me to sit at the top and run down each time kids came by then walk back up the top only to find more kids had arrived and run back down? I couldn't believe he was telling me where to hand out candy and that I couldn't be outside on the bottom step! This was military housing, not a bad neighborhood. I couldn't believe he was serious.

Then he got orders to Colorado. Why would I go with him all the way to CO where I wouldn't know anyone and be even more isolated? Why didn't I call it quits then? Because we weren't even married for a year, the honeymoon wasn't paid off, the photographs weren't even back from the photographer. If I got a divorce so soon I would feel like a failure. Yes that is how I felt. How could I say it was over when it had barely begun?

And still, I thought there might still be some love there somewhere. When times were good, they were good and I was happy and felt special and loved. Because that's the "honeymoon period" the cycle that goes round and round...good times to turbulent times back to good times.

I also thought maybe this move might be good for us. Maybe we could get a fresh start in a new place and be really happy together, maybe this is what we needed. Why I thought that I don't know, something to hold on to. I felt like I had to try and make this marriage work.

Obviously it didn't. A few days after we got there we were living in temporary housing. A male friend of mine called, someone I had known for 10 years at that time. He knew we had moved and called my mom to see if we arrived safely etc and she gave him the phone number. When I answered the phone and started to talk to him, X had to know who it was and how he got our number. I had nothing to hide so I told him. He flipped out and was yelling that my mom had no right to give our phone # out to people blah blah blah. Excuse me? My mom knew who this was, knew this was someone I had kept in touch with for 10 yrs, this wasn't some stranger.

(As a side note: I don't want to turn this into a discussion about having friends of the opposite sex while you're married. I will say my situation was growing up as a military brat and moving around a lot, friends came and went, and I had male and female friends from 'all over'. We kept in touch via occasional letters and phone calls. I didn't even live in the same state as any of these friends. I didn't become friends with males after my marriage and said "oh I'm going to hang out with so-and-so tonight and you're not invited." This was not the situation. These were long-distance friendships from different bases I lived at. He was jealous and wanted me to completely drop my past friendships, with the males especially, but even some female friends, even though no one lived in that local area and I was not "hanging out" with them. He had no reason to be jealous, he was just controlling.)

So after we had moved into our base house I mailed out some letters updating friends with my new information. One of these friends called one night. I answered the phone in the bedroom, and after a few min he picked up the phone in the living room. He asked who it was, my friend responded with "This is R, her long-lost friend" (we hadn't spoken in a long time) and then X asked "how did you get this #?" It was so embarrassing to have him question a friend on the phone like that...as if he were my father. After R said I sent him a letter X came back into the bedroom with a furious look on his face. All I could say into the phone was basically goodbye because X was unplugging the phone from the wall. The ensuing struggle had him smacking the phone on the bottom of my foot. The next day he called the phone company to have our # changed. This was the second time he exerted control by changing our phone number.

There were a few other incidents here and there; he threw a small plastic garbage can at me which left a bruise on my ankle. Yet I still wondered when I could say enough was enough and this marriage just wasn't working.

A lot of the reasons I used to hear for women not leaving were isolation: they didn't have friends/family around to turn to, they had no transportation as there was only one car, kids to take care of, no money as the husband controlled all the accounts, no credit cards, etc.

None of that was my case. I had my own vehicle. We had separate bank accounts, we had no kids to worry about. I didn't have a job as I hadn't found one yet, but I did have some money in my own checking/savings account from when I worked in MD. I had my own credit cards. So it should have been easy for me to leave, but it wasn't. I was in CO now, what was I going to do? Drive across the country back to MD?

I don't have any hard and concrete reasons for why I didn't. I was still embarrassed and ashamed, only this time because I had let it continue on and didn't tell everyone when it was happening. Now people would think I was stupid for staying in a relationship like that and they would wonder what was wrong with me. It's just hard to explain that it just is not that easy to leave.

Then one night found us in yet another argument. He started slapping me in the face/head (never a closed fist, just open hands) and at the end I found myself leaning over the sink with blood dripping from my nose.

That was my breaking point.

The next day when he was at work I finally had the courage to call my mom (let me tell you how hard that conversation was) and then my best friend in TX. I packed up my car and stayed at a hotel right outside of base. My step-father was there that evening and the next day took me to security police to file a report. Over the next couple of days we made arrangements for me to leave and we drove to San Antonio to stay with my best friend there until I could figure things out.

I wish I could say that was the end but it wasn't. I stayed there for 2 months. In that time they welcomed their first child and I still wasn't any closer on making a decision to where I should go, what I should do. I was in limbo. I knew I couldn't stay there forever though - they had a new baby and needed time to just be a family. X was going to Anger Management classes as well as some other counseling. So yes, I thought I would give it one more try. I figured, now that he knows the Air Force knows what is going on he won't be like that anymore. He's going to Anger Management maybe he's learned and changed.

So I went back and stayed for several months. I do have to say that he never got physical with me again, but he just couldn't let go of his controlling ways.

He worked a second job at night. One night I said I was going to go to the mall and he pretty much forbid me to go. He even took my keyring off the hook. So I went to the bedroom upset, hurt, and crying that he was still being this way. He finally came in and put the keys on the dresser. I didn't say anything right away because I was still so mad at him for acting that way. I guess it upset him that I didn't acknowledge that he gave my keys back. I was supposed to be so appreciative of that. He even made some comment about "well if you're not even going to say thank you then I'm not giving your keys back." True to his word, when he left for work I found my set of keys gone too (which were the keys to my car.)

I mentioned this incident when we had our joint counseling appointment. The counselor asked him what made him think he had any control over another person like that. He responded, "she's my wife!" She tried to explain to him that didn't give him power over me but he just didn't get it. I knew then he would never change his views or ways. I also realized I just didn't love him anymore and couldn't see myself married any longer. I knew I had tried my best to make it work and felt I could finally walk away.

So that's a synopsis of my story; there is obviously much more I could tell, but this post is long enough already! I don't want sympathy or anything like that. This happened 10 years ago, and I'm fine now, really I am! I am in a marriage with mutual respect and love and this is how a marriage should be.

I just wanted to give an example of how domestic violence starts off small and does escalate and how come it's hard to just walk away. Believe me, it's much easier said than done.

Also, if you know me personally, please, please don't tell me "you could have told me what was going on, you know you can tell me anything, I wish you would have talked to me about this, you didn't have to feel embarrassed or ashamed" or something along those lines. Yes I know I could have talked to any number of people, yes I know I have nothing to feel ashamed about. But this is all in the past and I hope I've explained why I didn't talk to anyone, at first, about what was going on. It's just not easy to talk to anyone about when you are in the middle of that situation.

Now I'll leave you with this article that was in Redbook: You Can Save a Woman's Life - Just by Asking Her How She's Doing

55 comments:

~Melissa~ said...

Wow Michelle - what a time in your life. Thank you for sharing your story - I imagine it might help someone else who finds themselves in a similar situation.

I'm glad you were finally able to leave and have now found a good happy relationship!

Tara said...

Thank you for sharing your story. My sister was in an abusive relationship and it's amazing how much control they can have over you. I'm so glad you were able to get out - and are now blessed to be in such a happy, loving relationship.

Nisa said...

I'm sure that wasn't easy for you to write about, but if it helps one person, then it's worth it. I know I tell you all the time how I admire you and you wonder why... This is part of it. You are so strong and such a wonderful person. I am proud to call you my friend. Love you.
P.S. you coulda stayed as long as you needed...

killlashandra said...

It is hard to leave. In retrospect I can trace mine back to before we were married too. After we got married it got more pronounced. It being controlling actions, verbal abuse, and manipulation. I left before he hit me. He would break things though, flipped the couch over once, we went through three phones and a light. That had me talking to my Mom who finally convinced me to leave. He used to tell me who I could talk to and hug and needed to know every little detail.

Yes, it's hard to leave. Thanks for sharing. Maybe I'll root around in those memories too sometime soon.

LauraJ said...

I experienced similar things with my son's father. Thankfully to save my sanity I got out, it took me a while to let go but I did get out and so so so very grateful for it.
Sadly I see these same characteristics in a relative of mine. I feel terribly sorry for the women he's with. When they leave him he sits and wonders why they left. He tries, sometimes, to use the same controlling tactics on me. I've learned long ago I'm not a possession nor am I a puppet to be controlled. I have a tongue and I do not keep it in my pocket! :D
Many many brave hugs to you!

Shannon **Gabi's Mom** said...

Thanks for sharing that Michelle! I'm glad you got out before it did get worse.

Cindy said...

Hi Michelle. Loved reading your story; getting to know you better. I admire the strength that comes out so clearly in you! I'm confident that you will have blessed/helped/saved someone by sharing your story.

Sgt and Mrs Hub said...

I admire your courage then and now, Michelle. You are someone your daughter can be very proud of.

-Andrea

Mommatude said...

Iknow that was difficult for you to write-I have been there as well.I havent ever shared my story either but I am not sure I ever will.Thank you for having the courage!

Mommy Bee said...

Michelle, I admire your courage to share your story, your strength.

Beck said...

This was so hard to read, thinking about someone going through this - I can't imagine having lived through it. How brave of you to write so openly and courageously about it!

T*mmy said...

So sorry that you had to go through something like this my dear friend!

I'm so glad to know that you found happiness!

Have a great day!

Barb @ A Chelsea Morning said...

I'm not going to offer any platitudes, Michelle. I know you've heard them all before.

I will say this. This can happen to anyone, anyone at all. It's happened to two women in my own family. Unfortunately one of those women was my young daughter. She, too, was 23. She was dating a guy. And when Rob and I met him, it took us less than half an hour to know in our hearts that if our daughter married him, eventually he would beat her. He showed the classic signs of graduating from the controlling mental abuse to the actualy physical. Our hearts were in our throats.

To be the parent of a daughter this is happening to is one of the most frightening places in the world you can possibly be. I can't describe the relief we felt when she finally knew in her own heart that she had to walk away. And she did. He was actually screaming at her in public, in a restaurant, and she simply got up, walked out and never ever saw him again. To this day I doubt he thinks he did anything wrong and wonders why she left him.

This can be happening to absolutely anyone you know and you don't know it.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I hope it inspires someone who's going through this to find the courage to walk away, like you did.

Robin said...

Thanks for sharing your story. It is always helpful to hear the different reasons why women don't leave. There are many. It just goes to show that it is always complicated - never easy.
I'm glad you are living your "happily ever after" now!

Julie said...

Thanks for sharing. As a mom of 3 girls this is something that I will want to discuss with all of them.

annie said...

Thanks for sharing that Michelle. I can't imagine how hard it would be to fall into that situation and then try to get out of it. I'm so happy you've found a good loving husband.

Renee's Ramblings said...

Michelle,
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sure this wasn't easy to write.

Renee'
http://rmboys2.wordpress.com/

Princess Morgan said...

What a strong, brave woman you are. I have never, personally, known anyone in this type of situation but it is very eye opening. You are a survivor and now are blessed with a wonderful family. Hope you are feeling great these days.

Michelle said...

Huge hugs to you, Michelle! The big thing is that you got out and you survived (and I do mean that in the physical way)!!!! It could have turned out much worse and much diffently...

Cheryl Wray said...

THANK YOU for sharing that story!!! I'm always amazed by the strength found in domestic abuse survivors. Your story can certainly help someone who's going through it right now!!!

Isn't it amazing sometimes how God brings us to new points in our lives? Now you are blessed with a happy marriage and family!

Katie said...

Wow Michelle,
Thank yu for sharing your story with us, Im so proud of you for leaving, many women never do...
One of my closest friends was in a relationship like that by the time she got out they had a child together. They stayed with us for awhile until she got back on her feet. She went through hell. Thankfully she is now in a great relationship.
take care, i am so glad you have found Joe.
xxoo

Every minute counts.... said...

Thank you for writing this. I am glad that you had the courage to leave when you did.

Noel

Tracey said...

Michelle, I'm so proud of you for sharing your story. Awesome job.

And thank God you got out. I can only imagine that that relationship made you stronger and that this is what led you to Joe...

Thanks for showing a different story of abuse.

anne said...

Thank you for sharing.

I was wondering, have you ever lived at the Carlisle Barracks? I grew up in Carlisle and have many friends whose fathers passed through the War College.

Anne
http://archiesroom/blog

Corey~living and loving said...

I so appreciate your sharing this. You are a strong woman. The hardest thing in my life has been helping my SIL end her relationship with my own brother whose controlling ways were getting out of hand. sigh....life is hard.
hugs...even though you don't want them. :)

joan said...

Thanks for sharing this Michelle. I'm sure it was not an easy thing for you to do. I'm glad you had the courage to leave.

Amy said...

Michelle, I pray that someone is touched by your story and if they find any similarities in their own life that they have the resources to leave.

It's easy for someone to say that would never happen to me. It can happen to anybody...you're right.

I am so happy you and Joe are together and are a happy family. God bless you friend.

Karen said...

You have dug very deep to share here Michelle. My first marriage was very difficult, there was some violence too, alcholism and gambling - seems like a world away. Sure made me feel so appreciative and blessed by the wonderful man in my life now. God poured out so much grace in my life. I remember being in the Wedding car (first wedding) and not feeling right about it, but at just 22, my thoughts were - oh it's all arranged, everything is booked I have to do this. It would have saved so much heart ache if I'd said 'no', but it's so much easier to say that in hindsight when you are no longer in such a situation. Bless you for sharing!

Mayhem And Miracles said...

Wow, Michelle! What an amazing testimony. I'm so glad you did find the courage to share as someone as intelligent and sweet as you explaining some of the WHY's for staying really sheds some light on how easy it is to slide that slope unintentionally and how compassionate people should try to be. I'm so glad for where you are now. Meeting the two of you,you just seemed so in sync and helpful to one another. How cute that ya'll discussed game time details via internet! Congratulations on your team win!!

Kerry said...

Thanks for sharing~ what a strong woman you are :) I am amazed with your honesty. I know you have helped many people out there.

Leslie said...



That took a LOT of courage to write, Michelle.

My "real" dad was abusive and it was so incredibly hard. But the things we endure make us who we are...

This brought you to Joe...and now you have Kayla! AND baby II on the way.

I hate that you have all of those memories...and I hate to think that he may be married or have children of his own now. And what their lives must be like.

Karen said...

Come by and pick up an award from me!!

Karen said...

You've had such a tough time, wow. And how blessed you are now! God is good.

chelle said...

How amazing for you to share this story for awareness! It is so personal and heart wrenching. I just wanted to rescue you while reading it, even though it was the past ... I was in a dating relationship that turned nasty. Thankfully I got out AFTER he beat me up pretty bad. I felt so stupid for getting myself in the situation to begin with.

Anonymous said...

I only remember the first inklings of you not being yourself.. After you moved out to Coloradro and we would talk on the phone, you sounded "empty" and then when we all came out to visit you after you and X moved to Coloradro and you mentioned to me, you did not know how much longer you would be in this marriage, but you felt you had to give it at least 5 years... that was your "magic" number so that you could say, you tried to work things out.. I feel I missed all of your "being abused "clues... You hid things, or kept things to yourself very very well.... Oh Michelle this breaks my heart that it went on so long.. a part of me understands you not wanting to share or talk about it with others, but , at the same time...... I remember very well the day you called and and said X hit you, i remember calling very loudly to Ken !!! Michelle is being abused.. thank goodness Ken worked for a major airline that he could fly jumb seat because he left immediately after first telling you to get to a hotel NOW....Anyway..... You truly did TRY... and I do not think one can really really ever say "why we did certain things or did not do certain things.... Like you said, until one is in a certain situation, we do not know how we well react.... Like so many have said, you are a strong woman... yes, Thank you to your best friend, Eunice for giving you a room and being with her during this time.. She was on the South west coast so it was easier to travel there than to come back East...Now, you are in a truly amazing loving relationship with Joe and I do not worry about you!! Love Mom

Brent & Jodie said...

Thanks Michelle. I too had a situation similar to yours. Thankfully ours didn't escalate into anything violent, I was able to get away first. But it was hard! I never thought I'd be unable to get out of a situation like that but it is much easier said than done. Now I look back and in comparison to my marriage now, I can't even imagine still being with that person. Thank goodness we both ended up with amazing husbands!

heidi said...

Thank you for sharing. We believe my sister is in the same sort of relationship. They moved across the country. It is very hard for her to come visit us and she usually finds ways to back out at the last minute, we think because the price she will pay with her husband is too high (perhaps not physically but emotionally). When she can visit, she spends so much time on the phone with him "in private", maybe 5 calls a day. We have told her we are here for her, let her know that she has a safe place to go, I even offered my house (that hasn't sold yet) to her!
Because you've been "on the other side", can you think of something else we could do that would help her? This past summer she said to me, "I can't see myself married forever." I thought that was HUGE. Then they were vacationing together and it was all "great". Now she won't talk about anything anymore.
We just don't know what to do for her that would help.
Sorry, I know you're not a "help line", but if you have an idea, I'd be grateful.
Heidi
nausetbeach@snet.net

Tammy said...

Michelle, I want to say how brave it was for you to tell this whole story...because maybe it will help others....and I know you probably feel that if it helps just one woman get out of a horrible situation, than it was worth it.
I am so glad that you are now blessed with a loving, healthy marriage.
Thank you for sharing this, Michelle!

Nancy said...

Thank you for sharing that. You are a brave soul and have nothing...I repeat...NOTHING to be ashamed of. You gave it your all and can feel confident you made the right decision. That's valuable.

Anonymous said...

I remember that night he made your nose bleed. You had called collect so upset from the hotel. I was in n.c. and wanted to help you out so bad. I know you said then you were embarrassed to tell me after the pack we made.I do remember after i met x i didn't like him. I remember when I would call you couldn't say anything.
I'm so glad that part of your life is over and you are with a wonderful man. You so deserve all the happiness. It was also brave of you to share your story. I hope it will help others who are in that situation.
love,
mimi

Dori (Aviva's mommy) said...

I give you a lot of credit for sharing your story..if it helps one person it is all worth it.

Even better you left and have a terrific life now.

Ladyblog said...

Wow! What a great post. There are so many of us "strong" women that find oursleves in these situations. Mine seemed so obvious in hindsight... he was a drinker, a gambler, loud, obnoxious, and violent. I walked down the isle thinking I was making a big mistake.. but I did it anyhow. The wretched names, the broken dishes and the last straw for me was a broken bone... my own fault according to him. Thanks for sharing. These experiences make us stronger and also make us appreciate the good man that have now.
:-) Thanks for the reminder about DV awareness month.
~R

jessica said...

Wow, thank you for sharing your story. I'm so glad you got out of that situation!

Sue said...

Wow Michelle. Thank you for sharing your story. You're a very strong person for walking away. Things are always easier said than done. And I'm sure that experience, although never one you want to experience has given you a deeper appreciation of the relationship you have with your hubby.

Tricia said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story, Michelle. You are a brave woman.

Me said...

Thank you for sharing. I have never been in that situation, so can't even begin to imagine how hard it must have been. Thankfully though you now have the complete opposite!! :)

DeAnna said...

Thank you for sharing your story, I hope it can help someone. I've never been in a relationship like that or even had anyone really close to me be in a relationship like that, but I can't imagine how hard it must be. I didn't even realize that October was awareness month for that.

Dana a/k/a Sunshine said...

Michelle.

Sorry I'm late in reading your post here. Thank you for pouring out your heart and sharing your story. I know it must be difficult to talk and think about, even now. I have many of the same feelings that you had but the truth IS until you are in a situation you don't know what you would do. We should never be so pompous to presume we wouldn't do this or that.

I have never been physically abused and I hope I never am...but what courage you have and insight now. I am so glad you got out of that. You seem like an awesome woman!!!

I am sure you have blessed others with your story and maybe even given an abused person the courage to leave an abuser. I sure hope so.

Thank you :)

Dana

poppyandpeony said...

Even though you'd mentioned this to me in my old blog when I did a post about domestic abuse (we say domestic abuse here in England to get the message to young girls & women it doesn't start with violence, usually controlling behaviour) this post still brought tears to my eyes.I know so many people who've been through this, friends, family and patients and my greatest prayer is that it ends.
(((BIG HUGS)))
You're a wonderful, strong woman.

A Mom's Life said...

You are very brave for sharing your story. I know exactly where you are coming from and your reasons for continuing to try. The parallels are uncanny. I am so happy for you that you have found someone wonderful! Your family is beautiful and your advocacy for your daughter is courageous!

Lilith Silvermane said...

Hey... thanks for sharing this story!
It's amazing how many of us come from similar history from so far apart.

I am even more happy for you now, knowing your past and that you grew into a strong, loving woman/mother out of it!

Kristi said...

Wow..thanks for sharing your story!! It hit home while i have not been in an abusive relationship myself but my parents were and it was the worst!

Mom24 said...

Thank you for sharing this. I'm glad you're in a better place. I hope he's been able to change his life, and I really hope he doesn't pass on his control/anger issues. How does a person think they're entitled to act like that???

Meriah said...

I was in an abusive relationship too. And I really admire you for talking about it. It's so hard for me still...

Also glad you left and are in such a god space now!

Kristen said...

I'm so sorry that you had to experience that! I am thankful that you are fine, have an amazing support system, an even more amazing husband now, and two of the most awesome kids ever! Much love to you! Thank you for sharing! I am sure that this post will help give at least one person strength to make the decision to leave.