For the Rest of the Story...

or ... In Which I Drove Myself Crazy ... so I made the big announcement and then provided a few details, but here is the story behind when I finally decided to test.

A little history here first: When we started trying with Kayla I read the book
Taking Charge of Your Fertility and I realized there was so much I just didn't know! After reading that book I vowed to never be a chronic pregnancy test-taker! I would just chart and temp and be able to know what was going on with my cycle by that. And it worked. I could tell exactly what was happening because my temps were doing what they were "supposed" to be doing. About mid-cycle, after ovulation, my temps would increase and stay that way for about 2 weeks. Then they would start to drop as I was coming to the end of that cycle. According to the book if your temp stays high for 18 days past ovulation then you are pregnant; so I thought - wow no need to waste money on tests - I'll just watch my temp!

Ok so I had been temping and charting again. In May after my cycle started I was supposed to call the hospital and make an appointment for a hysterosalpingogram . I called and she said it has to be 10 days after the start of my cycle. That would have put the appt on Wed, May 30...umm...we were leaving for our road trip on Mon, May 28th. I was both frustrated and relieved. Relieved because I had been dreading having this procedure done and glad I could have one more month to "try again", but frustrated because we would have to wait yet another month to find out if anything was going on.

So we left for our road trip and I figured I wasn't going to bother taking my thermometer with me; I wasn't going to try and chart and temp while we were on the road. But this doesn't mean that I wasn't paying attention! I still knew exactly where I was in my cycle, what cycle day it was, and around when I should be ovulating. I don't ovulate one the same day every cycle either. Sometimes it's day 12, sometimes 14, sometimes 17 etc.

So anyway, I never knew exactly when I ovulated and I had no idea what my temps were. I knew Friday, Jun 15, was cycle day 27 and that I was probably going to start a new cycle that weekend. Sure enough, that evening before bed I noticed some spotting. That had been happening for a couple days before I actually started my cycle, so this was like clockwork, I knew what was coming. With a heavy heart I went to bed and told Joe this month was out.

Then Saturday there was no more spotting; I kept expecting it and nothing. I wondered if I should get hopeful. I briefly thought about going to buy a test and taking it the next day - Father's Day. Oh what a wonderful surprise that would be for not only Joe, for his parents since that's where we were. But I talked myself out of it. I know how I am, if it was negative I would have been so depressed and I didn't want that. Not only that, how would I have managed to buy one without anyone else knowing about it? So then not only would I have been depressed - the other 3 adults in the household would have been disappointed and I didn't want that!

Besides, Sat was only day 28 and I've had cycles as long as 32 days. I wasn't technically late. I had no reason to really suspect that I might even possibly be pregnant. I just had that bit of spotting Fri night. I scrutinized my past charts (I used an online charting website) and found a cycle where I spotted and then had nothing for several days, and then finally started. Ah ha! There was my proof that this spotting meant nothing because it had happened before!

So Sunday and I'm still waiting and nothing. I'm starting to get a teeny, tiny, bit hopeful. But it's still only day 29, not really late. And since I don't know when I actually ovulated I don't know how many days past ovulation I was. Now I was seriously regretting NOT having my thermometer with me! If I just knew how many days my temp was high I might have had reason to hope!

Monday morning we left for home. I still haven't mentioned anything to Joe about my cycle never starting. I don't like to get my own hopes high much less anyone else's. So I alternated the whole time about being hopeful and being practical.

When we got home I wanted to test so bad just so I would know. But I again talked myself out of it. Have you ever had a conversation with yourself inside your head? This is what I sounded like, "No just wait until morning. Everything says it's better/more accurate to test first thing in the mornings. Oh but I just want to know! It's day 30 now! But it's still not really late. Besides, if I just wait until Tues morning I can finally take my temp, then I'll know. If it's higher than usual on day 31 I'll have a reason to test. If it's lower than I'll know this month is out." That's the conversation I had with myself the rest of the afternoon!

Then I just could not sleep Mon night! I was so anxious to find out what my temp was! I was awake at midnight and thought about temping then, but nooooo....you can't temp at midnight -that's not after a night's sleep and it's not the usual time you temp! I was awake at 3 and tempted to temp again....nooooo....you'll wake Joe up and he'll wonder why you're temping at 3! Just wait a few more hours!

Kayla woke up around 6 and when Joe got up to go get her I took my temp. This was usual for me to take it around that time. I'm sure when Joe came back in the room he just wanted to shake his head seeing I was already back to my routine of temping! When the thermometer beeped I held my breath as I looked at the read-out. 98.9. I remember my breath catching in my throat. That is much higher than it should have been for the end of my cycle. It usually would be below 98.4.

Kayla fell back to sleep in our bed and Joe got up. I'm getting really excited and hopeful this time. Kayla woke back up around 7 and went to join Joe in the living room. Now I feel like I can't get out of bed...I'm too scared to test and find out it's negative. Finally I couldn't take it any longer.

I mentioned before when I tested with Kayla it took 4 home pregnancy tests and 2 blood tests before I could get a positive confirmation; I was afraid something like that would happen again.

So I tested and stared at the test strip. Almost immediately 2 lines showed up. I couldn't believe it. I was stunned, in disbelief. I didn't think it would show up that quickly.

I started crying and thanking God for answering my prayers. Then I pulled myself together and started thinking how I was going to surprise Joe.

I had a Father's Day gift for him at home (I didn't bring it with us on the trip). It was a gift certificate to a bike store in town. So I stuck the test strip in the envelope with the certificate.

I went out to the kitchen where Joe was making breakfast and said, "so do you want your Father's Day gift now or later?" Of course I was hoping he would say now and not make me wait! I was also trying to keep a calm, straight face, and not let on how excited I was.

Thank goodness he said, "I guess now is fine." He opened it, saw his certificate, said thanks. I said "there is something else in there." He finally saw that little strip. He looked at it, looked at me, looked at it and I think he was speechless.

I finally threw my arms around him and said "yes we're pregnant! We're pregnant!" and he said, "I thought your cycle was starting!" I said, "so did I! I really did!" and then I had to explain to him the whole saga of what I had been going through the last few days!

On Thur I went to the clinic and thankfully was able to get a blood test (they say they want you to be 2 wks late before they'll give you a blood test! Two weeks! Can you imagine having to wait 2 wks after taking a home pregnancy test?!) I had my blood drawn at 2:30. At 4:00 the phone rang and the nurse told me it was positive.

We bought a packet of white t-shirts for Kayla and some iron-on transfer sheets. I created the "Big Sister To Be" on the computer, printed it off and Joe ironed it on the shirt. Then I took "hundreds" of pictures of her trying to get her standing or sitting still so you could actually read the shirt. Once I got a shot that was "good enough" I printed off the picture. I then mailed that picture to all the grandparents and that is how they found out.

As for Kayla...well we told her I had a baby in my belly. The first time she looked at us like we must be crazy. She said in this really serious voice, "ooooooh ok" like she was humouring us. But I would tell her that every day. Now when I ask her "where is mommy's baby?" she lifts up my shirt, points to my belly button (while saying "right there") then gives it a kiss, then gives me a hug. She started that on her own (kissing my belly button). I don't think she quite understands yet, but it's sweet that she kisses my belly now!

And that, is the rest of the story!