To My Eleven Year Old

Dear Kayla,

Today you turned 11 years old. Happy birthday my beautiful girl.

Your first couple of birthdays I would look back on your birth and had tears mixed in with the happy celebration. Those tears were not for you, but for me. You see, when you were born, and I realized you have Down syndrome, I cried. I didn't cry because you were born, and I didn't cry because I was sad about you. I cried because you had a diagnosis and I cried because I didn't know what that meant. I cried because of the unknown.

The future is still the unknown, but it is no longer a cause for tears...because I know YOU. I know who you are, I know what Down syndrome means to you and how it applies to your life. I get to watch you grow up and there is no greater gift.

So over your first few birthdays I cried because I regretted crying in those early days and feeling like I missed out on something while we were in the hospital and our first weeks at home.

But I no longer cry over the memories of your birth day. I learned that it was, and is, ok to cry over something you just don't know what to expect. I learned it was ok to cry about that aspect while still loving you and feeling overjoyed at becoming a mom.

I was never sad about you ... quite the opposite. I was thrilled you were a girl. I secretly wanted my first born child to be a daughter and there you were. You were what I wanted - my little girl.

You are my little girl who doesn't like to wear jewelery or have anything in your hair. You won't keep a ponytail or braid in your hair. But you love dresses. Oh how you love dresses!

You are growing up to be exactly who you were meant to be; who that is yet we don't know, but I'm enjoying watching you blossom into a beautiful young lady.

I know that I'm not the best parent. I know I have many flaws. I know I fail in many ways. I know I make many mistakes. But I'm the only mom you've got so you're going to have to stick with me through this journey! I'm learning as we go.

I love the way you embrace life. I love your giggles - they are infectious. I love your spunk, and, most of the time I love your energy!

Grab on to life with all you've got and swing with all your might. You've got your whole future in front of you and I know whatever you do you'll give it your all and you'll be successful. Your independence and determination will carry you far.

 Happy 11th birthday to my favorite daughter!


Love,
Mom