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Sunday, August 30, 2009

Deja Vu

His toothbrush, deodorant, and razor are gone from the bathroom sink.
Now, only 3 towels hang in the bathroom.
His pile of clothes are gone from the floor. They've been washed and put back in drawers and hung in the closet ... not to be worn again for several months.
The uniform is gone from the house.
The spot beside me in bed is empty and cold.
His snacks have been put aside to be mailed in a care package.
His wallet and sunglasses are gone from the counter top.
The kids' rough-housing playmate is missing from the floor.
His laptop is gone from the end-table.
The kitchen table isn't quite so full anymore.
His presence is gone; it's too quiet in the house, even with the kids making their own loud noises.
It's almost as if he was never here; that's how fast the 2 weeks went by. In a blur.
Not enough time with him.
It's never enough time when you have this long separation looming.
It was like deja vu driving to the airport.
Different airport but same outcome.
Having to say goodbye, but not wanting to again.
The first tears started when the kind, warm, welcoming Delta agent approached and asked him where he was headed...then the sincerity and catch in her voice when she said "Thank you."
Reality hit, we were going to have to go through this again.
Saying goodbye at the gate and trying desperately not to cry, especially in front of the kids, but losing that battle almost immediately. As if I even had a chance.
Watching him walk away and thinking I just can't do this again.
Knowing I have to, knowing there isn't a choice.
Hurting at the thought of how long our family isn't a complete family.
Thankful I'm not going through this alone and have the support of family and friends near and far.
Putting one foot in front of the other.
Taking it day by day.

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49 comments:

ChupieandJ'smama said...

Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way. You made me cry with this post. My heart goes out to all of you. I can not imagine how tough this is on you all. And I can't say Thank You enough.

Anonymous said...

I miss you guys already. i hope these next few months go by as quick as the first. Can't wait for the traveling to be over so i can talk / "see" you again.

I LOVE YOU ALL SOOOO MUCH!!
Joe

Omaha Mama said...

Aw Michelle, you've made me cry. Then I come here and read Joe's comment, and have to cry a little more. Prayers for your sweet family, and for Joe's safe return. :0)

Mom24 said...

Michelle, I'm so, so sorry. (((Hugs))) We're always here. Thank you for your sacrifice, it's so huge.

The Girls' Mommy said...

Tears, tears. And then I teared up again at his comment~ Sending you hugs.

Mindy said...

Oh Michelle :( *big big hugs*

Michelle said...

(((HUGE HUGS))) going out to you with many thoughts and prayers for you - for him and for the kids! I know that it's super tough on all of you...

I love that he was already able to read and respond to your post!

Mom/MIL said...

Oh Sweetheart I so know how you feel and I wish I were closer so we could comfort each other. Even though I didn't get to see Joe when he was home just knowing he was here with you and the kids brought a peace to my heart and mind. Looking back this first 6 months went by fairly quickly and hopefully so will the next 6. I love you, and the kids more than you know and I miss all of you terribly.

Joe, may God keep you safe and I love you and am so proud to be able to call you son. I miss you kiddo

Lianna said...

Oh I feel so sad for you and Joe and the kids, Michelle. My heart truly goes out to you and Joe. Please be kind to yourself over the next while and I pray that Joe will soon be home for good.

Bailey's Leaf said...

I'm so sorry. You made me cry!

michele said...

Your post was both beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Then, seeing the comments from Joe and his mom both brought more tears. The sacrifices your family has made are appreciated more than you can know. Thank you for serving our country.

Shelley said...

(((HUGS)))
The second good-bye is always somehow worse than the first one was and it seems that the readjustment to deployment life is a little more brutal too.
Saying a prayer for you and the kids today!

Karly said...

So much love and hugs to you guys. Thinking of you and hoping the next 6 months fly by and Joe is safely back home.

much more than a mom said...

Sending big hugs your way Michelle. I'm so sorry you all have to go through this again.

Tina said...

Oh Michelle, I'm so, so sorry :(

I hope the next 6 months fly by for you guys.

Sgt and Mrs Hub said...

Thinking of you today... I am sure that this is harder than any of us can imagine...

-Andrea

Bonita said...

Oh, Michelle, my heart goes out to you. I'd forgotten after watching the joyful homecoming video that another painful goodbye was looming just ahead. I'm so sorry for your whole family and so aware that you are all making these sacrifices for the rest of us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and know that all of you are in my prayers.

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Big hugs Michelle, I know it's so hard! Sometimes I think it would be better NOT to do R&R even though it feels so good to have them home at the time. I know there are pros and cons to it! Hang in there, its'
almost over!

Ladyblog said...

From a BTDT, I'm truly sorry.... one day when you are growing old together and collecting that retirement while sipping coffee and watching your grandkids play, IT will have been all worth it! (Or at least that's what I tell myself) :-)

Robin said...

Praying.

Sasha said...

Sending you a big {{{{hug}}} and sending you strength.

starrlife said...

How hard it must be- a hug from my family to yours!

Linda said...

Hugs to you guys! and THANK YOU for your sacrifice for our freedom. Hope the time flies by!

Melissa @ Banana Migraine said...

My heart just breaks for you Michelle. And I can't thank you and your husband and family enough.

Sue said...

Oh man Michelle. You're all in my thoughts. I hope these next months go by quickly. You are all appreciated more than you know! {{{HUGS}}}

Living Life Happy said...

Praying, praying, and praying! I really have tears in my eyes for you guys.

Heather said...

I'm so sorry, Michelle. I'll be thinking of you guys often this week, I know it won't be an easy one.

Kim said...

So sad that it ended so quick but so glad you had those 2 weeks. Hang in there. Praying the time goes quickly for you.

ABandCsMom said...

I'm so sorry it's so hard. I can't imagine. I sure hope the next few months go quickly, so you're all together again very soon.

Melissa said...

Hugs going out to you from a former Marines wife. I know what you are going through. Our prayers are with you. He will be back to you soon.

Calico Sky said...

Oh Michelle, I'm so so sorry. I have tears in my eyes for you all. I'll be praying for safety & peace until you are reunited again!
(((hugs)))

Noel said...

I am so sorry that his time back here was so short. I really hope that the rest of the time he is away, it goes quickly. Praying for his safe, quick return!

Lori said...

I put off reading this post because I knew what it would be about. I can't imagine...can't imagine!
May God protect him and your family while he is gone.

Lori said...

Joe...bless your heart! I agree...tears all over again when I realized that you posted a comment!

chelle said...

gah ... so sad. Big hugs!

Anne and Whitney: Up, Down and All Around said...

Oh Michelle, how long is Joe gone this time? I am so sorry you had to say goodbye again so soon!! thinking of all of you!!!

Michelle said...

This was such a sad post. Here's hoping the time flies and Joe's home again soon.

Renee said...

((Hugs)) and prayers for you all.

Chrystal said...

Oh, Michelle! I can't wait until this is all over and done and swept under the rug for good.

Hugs to you, friend.

Corey~living and loving said...

oh how this just saddened my heart. thinking of you all.

Lilith Silvermane said...

Awww Michelle. I just want to hug you.. and the kids.

It is so sweet that Joe wrote you on this post. Brings tears to my eyes reading it, and seeing his words and knowing how much he loves you just shows that the two of you will make it through this and so much more!

Step by step is something you have done a lot of, I am sure that you, Joe and your beautiful children will look back on this time and remember how much you hated to be apart, and how much it built up the foundation of your relationship.

Chris said...

Praying for his speedy an safe return

And continued strength for you--because you are one strong and amazing lady!

Thank you both for your sacrifice.

Sending you lots of


(((HUGS)))

Nicki said...

I hate that feeling of looking around and seeing all the missing pieces that make it obvious that a person is gone... or, like, you look at something ordinary, like a box of Cheerios, and remember how just yesterday the person was sitting there eating Cheerios, and it seems unreal that they're gone! My family is going through that in a different way right now, so I feel your pain! :(

The Munck Family said...

Awesome post...so heart felt!!!

Our prayers and love are with ya'll!

Jeanette said...

Oh Michelle, I can only imagine! Hugs and prayers to you and your family.

Tricia said...

Thank you for sharing a few hours of your Joe time with us, Michelle. I hope these next months go by quickly and he is home faster than you can even realize.

Thank you, Joe. Thank you.

Christina said...

I'm so sorry that he has to be away from home again. Praying for you and your children and for his safety until he can join you once again. God Bless you and God Bless the sacrifice

Mommy Bee said...

Sending you a hug...

Beverly said...

oh my, just so sad. God bless! I hope the time goes fast and he is home with you guys. Sending prayers!