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Thursday, July 02, 2009

Babies - More or Less

I've been thinking about babies lately. And whether I want any more; although Joe and I are 99.99% sure we're done with two. It's just so hard to make that decision a final one though, isn't it?

There are a few bloggers I follow, and a couple ladies in the Moms Club, who are expecting. When I went to the Mom's Banquet and saw the moms with their cute pregnant bellies it made me ... wistful I guess.

Wistful because I loved being pregnant. Despite the usual aches and pains (and it was really bad with Lucas) I had pretty uneventful and easy pregnancies. No morning sickness. No weird cravings, no cravings at all actually. No swelling. I enjoyed being pregnant and feeling that new life growing inside of me. It's hard to think of that not happening again, of not experiencing that again.

But to be honest, last year was tough. Post-partum depression, endless crying (Lucas and me!), sleepless nights, exhaustion, constant nursing, Joe' deployment looming down on us...it all took it's toll on me and I was not a very happy person to be around.

Last year was probably the most challenging year of the 8 years we've been married. I was stressed, had no energy for anything, felt like running away, no patience, little things set me off - and Joe took the brunt of that. Because who else was I going to take it out on? Definitely not the kids, but the one person who would take it and still love me anyway. (Sorry honey!)

As much as I enjoyed being pregnant, I just don't think I can go through that again - the newborn/infant stage. I know my limits, my personality, and what I can handle. I'm already an (admittedly) inpatient person and having two kids, one with special needs even, hasn't given me more patience (I wish I was one of those parents who say "having a child with special needs has taught me to be more patient" cause I sure missed the lesson on that one!). I stress too easily, I'm not calm and laid-back and I don't think I would be a very good parent to 3 kids.

I really admire the moms I see who have more, or are having more, than 2 children. I wish I could do it, I wish I had it in me, but I just don't think I do...and that makes me a little sad...and a little wistful.

Because we do make some darn cute kids!



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28 comments:

much more than a mom said...

I feel exactly the same way. And I wish we could easily afford more, too. And, you know...feed them.

Cammie Heflin said...

Yes you do they are beautiful!

Ellen said...

You took the words out of my mouth!

Beth said...

I'm with you!!! It is such a hard decision - one which we've already made. But with each milestone that Brady seems to be reaching sooo quickly - it makes me sad to think this is the last time we'll experience it....

And you do make some pretty darn cute kids!!!!!

ABandCsMom said...

Yes, you do make awful cute kids!
Now, from where I sit. I would love to have had another one. One for Carly to grow up with. Remember, I we have a 22yr old and a 19 yr old. I think it would have been great for Carly. But, not in the cards anymore for us. As for patients. Well, I think I'm better than Paul is. I haven't always been that way. Carly taught me patients. Except for right now...she is blasting the boom box as I type. Oh Lord...my splitting head! Patients...Patients! ;o)

Bailey's Leaf said...

You know, it took about 6 months or more for us to make the final decision to let our adoptive license lapse. We had kept it open for 4 years and though I didn't mean it as giving God a deadline, we thought that if we were to have another besides K-, we would have been provided with one. (We did all the things that we needed to, so we hadn't been behind on anything with the county.) Still, our license lapsed while we were on vacation. Many tears had been shed the weeks prior and I was glad that we were away so that I didn't have to sit at home and think more on it. I definitely have you on that one. In fact, biologically we've recently handled that one, so no more at all for us period.

I love babies. I have much more in the area of patience for babies than I sometimes do with toddlers and aging in childhood years. Evenso, it is tough.

I can't imagine the stress that you have been through in the last year. I know that you do what you have to do because that is what you do, but still-- we admire you for doing it.

Keep on plugging on, darlin'. Hugs.

chelle said...

I totally understand where you are coming from. We are about to have our third and I wonder at times when I am tired and cranky if we made the right choice. Yet the reasons why we wanted just one more out weigh all that in the end. At least for us.

It is such a personal choice though. And you kids are gorgeous!

Tausha said...

Oh I think you and I are alot alike. I am so not patient and I am raising two step-kids full time who are teenagers and then a little one with a disibility. My first I placed up for adoption as I had left a bad marriage 3 months pregnant so Sam is really my first and I would love to have one more but the patience thing for me is a killer and also I am almost hitting that dreaded 40 mark. Our chance to have another with DS is 1 in 5 and even though I love Sam more then life itself, I worry that we wouldn't be so lucky to have one that is so healthy. But I ache sometimes to have another one so Sam would have someone close in age to grow up with but I just don't think it's in the cards for me either. Plus the $$$ to raise a child is so hard. So, I know what you mean with your post, glad I'm not the only one that feels that way.

Nancy M. said...

It is a hard decision! We decided 2 was enough for us because financially we didn't think we could afford more. And also my last pregnancy was a little rough at the end with me being over 35 and all. But, sometimes I wonder if we made the right decision. Seeing babies does make me wanna change my mind sometimes. Yes y'all did make gorgeous children!

the three amigos said...

I know exactly how you feel! I admire parents who have more than ONE kiddo! We stopped with Anna although now that she's older I wish we had bit the bullet and tried for #2 when she was a toddler. Oh well!

You and Joe do make beautiful babies!

You come across as one of the most patient, loving moms I know! If you are impatient with your kiddos you hide it very well!

Brandie said...

We had 2 and 3 5 years apart. Going from 1 to 2 is very hard and my 2nd was a real handful. It was "easier" when Goldie was born. The girls were old enough to play with each other while I was taking care of the baby. They are also a huge help with her. I don't know how I'd manage without them. :)

starrlife said...

Beautiful babies for sure! I am happy with just one thank you but I kind of know what you mean! If I didn't have to go through childbirth and infancy again I might be able to handle it,:)

Chris said...

Never say never. Lucas is still little, you are still in that toddler stage. My husband felt the same way after we had our second. He didn't want to go through the infant/toddler stage again. Probably didn't want to deal with me pregnant either. Well, things changed and 6 years after Julia was born we had John. I will admit, I do wish we had not waited--as it increased our risk for Ds, but we took us where life led us. Getting back to you :), once Lucas is a little younger, and maybe when Joe is home for good, you might be ready for another baby...or not. Either way, life will be good and you do have two beauties there!

Anonymous said...

I think we all go through i wish for one more stage. i have my three and they are all grown now.I see my friends having babies or when i see a baby.... i just miss it.Then of course it hits.my kids are older i can do more with them.
Yes you do have beautiful kids!
love ya,
mimi

Libby said...

You do make beautiful kids! I know what you mean though. I can TOTALLY relate to your post. *J* and I have a boy and a girl...so you would think I wouldn't want anymore...right? Ha! Sometimes I do get that itch to have another one...but then I think about how crazy and hectic it was after Eli was born and my mind suddenly changes. We can't have another one anyway because my hubby got the old snip-snip 3 months after Eli was born. But I do get that feeling from time to time.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

You make perfect children.

It's a hard decision, and I, for one (not you, because I'm oooollllddd and you? are. not.), am glad that my next will be a grandchild. Meanwhile, a friend of mine just had a baby, and it helps to hold someone else's.

Jessie said...

I so know what you mean. so many ladies in our church are pregnant or having babies... and I am the nursery/preschool director at the church so I get to be around them and reminded of that pregnancy/ newborn stage a lot. I love newborn babies and all of our pregnancy/ newborn transitions went pretty smoothly...

BUT, my husband would disown me if we had more children - he is soooo done and I guess I am too - but I always wonder... *sigh* I just keep reminding myself of that sleep deprivation to ease the nostalgia. :0)

Sandra said...

I feel the same way Michelle and I mean, Curt and I are ABSOLUTELY SURE we don't want anymore, but I have my days where I just want another one.

amy flege said...

hey it took me 11 years to decide if i wanted one more!! give it time. you just never know. i t hink you are a great mom and would do just fine with more!! hugs!

Lacey said...

And I don't know how you do it with your hubby in the military. I'm kind of freaked out because we are going to be moving out of state sometime. And my hubby will be going before to start the police academy, and I will have to stay back and sell the house. Which in this economy could take months. How do you do it when your hubby is gone for a long time?

Shannon @ Gabi's World said...

Even I get to feeling that way and I had horrible pregnancies! I threw up for 9 months with each of them! That 3rd one was a huge adjustment for me to be quite honest!

You guys do make beautiful babies and where the heck did your baby go? He's a little boy now!

Lianna said...

I remember trying again when Gabe reached about two years old. I had two miscarriages, and although I still get wistful at 44, I know that it's not meant to be. It's hard to understand why we can't have more children...but I keep coming back to this spot of "I am right where I am suppose to be."

You do have beautiful children, that is for sure. I think that like many women who enjoyed their pregnancies, the wistfulness you feel is completely normal.♥

Sue said...

I know how you feel. With my girls' eating and weight gain issues, the part I can't see doing again is feeding them. Sounds horrible to say - LOL. My PPD was there with Alysa and it was hard and I know mine wasn't really that bad either.

The hardest part for me is it's not our choice. With my infertility, there is no option for us. Even though I know I could get pregnant, it would take so many time, treatments, drugs and most of all MONEY. Money I can't spend with 2 kids to care for. So for us the decision is out of our hands and that is hard for me, even now b/c although I may want another, mostly I want the OPTION for another. kwim?

And I agree - cutie pies indeed! :)

A Captured Reflection said...

Hey gorgeous lady. Your two children are sooo adorable. They are growing up fast. I remember when hubby and I had a chat about having #3. We had always said we wanted too, and it was a real blessing to have on of each, so we knew we wanted two, but we did have a moment to sit down - one of those, OK are we 100% sure because this is the last time/age we'd want to do this. Works just right for us, no regrets.

I was an only, so wanted more than one. He was one of three and noticed that usually two are closer than the other and the 3rd can get left out...but it's so individual making that choice.

Happy 4th July to you, loved the look back photos.

Karly said...

I share almost all the same reasons for feeling done, Michelle. I think I have more sadness about the "never again" than not having another actual kid around, if that makes sense.

You do make beautiful kids though!

Ladyblog said...

You never know what life will bring. I always wanted 2 boys 4 years apart, and its exactly what I was blessed with. Then I started feeling like there was more and really had a strong desire for a daughter. Now, with 4 2 bio and 2 adopted, I am so happy with my kids. They are all perfect for us and adoption is always a possibility. Its just as amazing as childbirth and pregnancy, just a little different.

Bonita said...

Michelle, you and I are a lot alike. I had a very difficult time when my kids were very small. That's why I only have two. However, looking back I sometimes wish I'd had more. Yet, I know that how I feel now and my current energy level are not the same as I had back then. Hard decision!

Mary said...

I understand completely and couldn't have said it better!