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Thursday, May 15, 2008

Broken Record

I need to make a recording of myself and just have it play on repeat all day long. This is what Kayla seems to hear all the time now, and I'm sure she's just as tired of hearing it as I am of saying it!

Kayla just leave Lucas alone now.
Ok Kayla, he doesn't want to be bothered.
He doesn't need that Kayla.
Don't cover his face with the blanket.
Please just stop touching him right now.
He doesn't want that Kayla.
He can't hold that yet.
Don't put that in his mouth! He can't eat food; he only drinks milk.
Be gentle; be nice.
Don't squeeze so hard.
Let him sleep.
Don't shove the pacifier in his mouth.
Ok that means he doesn't want the pacifier right now.
He's sleeping, he doesn't need the pacifier.
Stop! No! Don't!

And when he's sleeping and she tries to get the pacifier in his mouth I tell her to "stop" and she keeps at it, determined to get it in his mouth before I come to take it away. So the whole time I'm saying stop the word runs together and builds to a crescendo, "stop!stop!stop!stop!stop!" Too late, he's awake. She just has this need to bother him, especially when he's sleeping.

I feel bad that she is hearing so many negative statements now, but it's hard to turn those into positive statements - telling her what she can do instead of what she can't. It just naturally comes out as "no, don't, stop"... I'm trying to use more of the positive reinforcements like "chairs are for sitting on" instead of "don't stand on your chair" or "beds are for sleeping on" instead of "don't jump on your bed." Trying to come up with a positive statement about not putting the pacifier in his mouth when he's sleeping is hard though!

The only time he gets a break is when she's at school - which today is basically her last day. She has a preschool program tomorrow morning and then we're off to TX.

Kayla is really going to miss taking the bus to school. This has been her bus driver for the past 2 years (the lady, that's her husband who drives sometimes). Kayla just loved taking the bus (and Alberta said they enjoyed having her)...I'm glad her first experience was such a positive one.



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29 comments:

Becoming Me said...

I am glad I found your blog through a blog friend of a blog friend. :-) You are a good writer with a beautiful family. It is tough when introducing a new baby to a preschooler...my daughter always wanted to help with her baby brother. Please don't be hard on yourself...the quick no's are necessary for safety. And pretty soon your little guy will get sturdy and this fragile season will pass. Blessings to you.

Joy said...

I know it is hard but it will be so much easier when the baby is a bit older and able to handle all the "love". You are doing a great job! I spent months telling Matt, who was 3 when Beth was born, to "be gentle. No, be gentle. No, no, that's too rough." and on and on. It wasn't until recently that he asked me "what does rough mean?" It was an eye opener for me that I spent months using a word that he didn't understand!

Every minute counts.... said...

It is so hard to try to retrain your thoughts to turn it into a possitive. I find myself using the negatives WAY too much with Abi. I could only imagine how hard it would be to keep her away from a baby that she loved as much as Kayla loves Lucas!!!
Have fun in TX!
Noel

Mom24 said...

Just keep telling yourself it will get easier. And it will, I promise. I know it drives you crazy, and I know you hate to keep piling on the negatives--I was the same way. But, look at it this way--it's not bothering her, she's not listening! LOL.

Have a great trip.

Barb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Barb said...

OK, so maybe you should start putting Lucas on top of the fridge, Michelle. LOL

I know what you mean. Luckily for me, when Cameron and Avery are both here, he doesn't seem to be all that interested in playing with her. But I can sure understand your frustration about feeling like all you say is "no."

It's just that he's her baby too and she obviously is completely enchanted with him.

A year from now, all the "nos" will be directed at HIM. There's a cheery thought. :-)

Karen said...

Oh these statements sound so familiar, and like you I don't like hearing myself having to say them over and over. It still happens here - leave your sister alone, your brother, don't interrupt, you didn't need to say that, stop saying that, who did that....but on the wonderful plus side, they are great friends now and love being together which is beautiful. I think I'm maybe not the most patient person around (especially when very tired). Emma is home at the moment recovering from croup...she's doing heaps better which is great though. Love to you.

Much More Than A Mom said...

That's something I'm working on too. I find myself saying something negative and then rephrasing it. At least he hears it both ways! ;-)

Mom/Mil/GM said...

Okay my first question is why is the pacifier where Kayla can reach it? Next why is Lucas sleeping where Kayla can get to him? It seems to me that putting Lucas in his room, or your room for a nap and closing the door would solve the problems of Kayla bothering him while he's sleeping. If you are worried that you won't hear Lucas then get a baby monitor. Sometimes the best thing to do is move temptation out of the way so that you don't constantly have to yell at her.

Maybe I'm an old fashioned mom but wouldn't a little swat on the bottom enforce what you are telling her? Or if that is to harsh for your thinking what about putting her in time out?

akakarma said...

All I can add is I totally relate. It seems to come in waves until it finally sinks in and then it's on to the next lesson. I've got it down to the phrase 'hands to self'. It starts to feel like a chant and then I stop! Who's training who?lol

Kim said...

I feel ya! My 7 year old does the same thing! She is always trying to put the pacifer in the baby's mouth, get in her face, or pick her up. The other day she finally drifted off to sleep and the next thing I know she's picked her up again. I think it bothers me more than it does the baby. I try to stay positive too, but it's not always that easy.

amy flege said...

looks like such a loving couple for her bus!! how nice is that!! have fun in texas!!!!

Michelle said...

Oh, that's so hard, when little ones want to help so much & don't know any different.

Good thing they're both so darn cute!!

Tracey said...

You know, if you find a magic solution to get an older sibling to leave a younger one alone, let me know, ok? Other than distractions for her, I have no wisdom.

chelle said...

hehe I had the exact opposite problem most day Becca wanted nothing to do with the baby! It will not be long before Lucas can fend for himself a little :) Have a fabulous trip!

Kerry said...

:) I smile because it is so true! Kayla is such a great big sister - you must be getting a lot of good scrapbooking pages.

Kerry said...

:) I smile because it is so true! Kayla is such a great big sister - you must be getting a lot of good scrapbooking pages.

~Melissa~ said...

It's hard not to always sound like a broken record. We have been doing that lately with Dominic. I try and do what someone else said above, I try and rephrase it.

Eventually Kayla will get the hang of things too - just hang in there.

Dori (Aviva's mommy) said...

She is trying to be so helpful in her own way...may not be the right way. This phase shall soon pass!

Mary said...

LOL! We have many days like this!

Sue said...

It can be so hard to keep them positively involved without having them disrupt the littlest member. Just keep doing what you're doing and add as much positive reinforcement as you can. Great job letting him sleep, etc. Maybe when she picks up his binky, tell her you need her help putting it away instead of giving it to him. Have a special place she an put them so she feels responsible for them?

Dena said...

Well - at least she want to help? hahahah!

Shannon @ Gabi's World said...

Go ahead and make that recording. Preston is 17 months old and I am still saying much of those same things.

Gift of Green said...

LOL! I think we have that recording at my house!

Nicki said...

I feel your pain! Even though Pufferfish is 11 months old now, her big sister Little Bear still loves nothing more than to bother her! My own recording would go something like, "Little Bear, put the baby down. Not on her face, Little Bear! Little Bear, don't take her toys away from her, let her play with that. No Little Bear, put her down. Little Bear, she doesn't want that! Little Bear, if she's crying, it means she's not having fun. No, Little Bear, you're not a grown-up yet!"
Oh well... someday they'll all look back on these days and laugh!

amanda said...

Oh how well do I know about being a broken record with som eof your phrases, and mine would act so sweet and want to kiss or hug her, and in an instant she would try to either grab, slap, pinch, or just jerk on her. I was so wanting to let her love on the baby, but she was so unpredictable I just couldn't let her anymore for a time. She was something else! Try not to worry about those negatives-your a great mom and she knows it;)





I'm still a broken record-lol being a referee sometimes! They will be sitting beside each other on the couch so sweetly then I here the youngest cry-big sister tries to look so innocent, and she's just pinched or hit her for NO reason. It's not at all funny at the time, but looking in reverse at her trying to be so innocent is comical.

It does get easier as the baby gets older because it isn't such a safety issue as much, and each will have a playmate in each other, which is just great to see how close they will always be.

Bonita said...

I know this may sound dumb, but I'm wondering if you got Kayla her own very special baby doll to be her "baby" if she might enjoy mothering right alongside you with "her" baby as opposed to constantly mothering her brother. I know this wouldn't solve the problem entirely as she is probably much more enthralled with a live little brother than a baby doll, but just a thought in case it would help even occasionally.

I guess the upside to all of her attentive affections is that she must not resent the fact that she has sibling!

Belovedlife said...

Boy, this sounds like me! Amanda does the same thing to her baby...now that he is 17 mos and can walka nd climb sh ehas a harder time catching him, which is a good thing. It does get easier (living proff, I've got four)...:)

Overwhelmed! said...

I'm right there with you! I'm saying, "No" to Snuggle Bug frequently now that Boo has joined our family. It's depressing at times and I'm trying to be more positive but it's hard sometimes.